Onions and Christmas Trees

With Xmas being the season of good cheer, I'll be sharing some festive hilarity with you in a series of short stories entitled: ONIONS & CHRISTMAS TREES

.  

The Mears family is at the dinner table. Young Michael asks his father, 
"Dad, how 
many kinds of boobs are there?"



Mearsy is surprised but this being a pet subject answers, 
"Well, son, there are three kinds of
 boobs: 

In her 20's, a woman's are like melons, round and firm.
 In her 30's they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
 After 40, they are like onions".


"Onions?'

'

"Yes Mike, you see them and they make you cry.'


This infuriated his wife Sue and daughters Goergina and Annabel, so Annabel said,


"Mum, how many kinds of willies are there?"

Sue is surprised, but this being a pet subject smiles and answers, 
"Well dear,
 a man goes through three phases. 
In his 20's, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard.
 In his 30's, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
 After his 40's, it is like a Christmas Tree.'

'

"A Christmas tree?"

'

'Yes - the root's dead and the balls are just for decoration."