Lions Reports: A (Reliably) Tardy Catch Up by Dan Fernandez

Lions  V  Chesham 1B
One of the weaker teams in the League but still no pushovers. Paul was unavailable and I went down with a bad case of man-flu so a team of Mark, CK, Matt B, Nic & Chris G went into the fray still confident of victory.
Mark at 1 is not quite firing fully on all cylinders just yet and went down 1-3 against Phil Taylor who he has beaten before but was a yard too slow and forced into too many errors.
CK was too classy for the pacy Simon Ross, 3-0
Matt B making his 2013 debut was way too quick, powerful and smooth and won 3-0
Nic went down unexpectedly to a rejuvenated Neil Hines 1-3 who has a new edge to his undoubted grace
Chris just back from (another) holiday break (TV sales were clearly good over the Olympics) was marginally off the pace against the tricky Dan Glenn 1-3
So a close defeat 9-13

GX  V  Lions
The week after we played 'Ever-So' Cross, who weren't and were in fact a rather friendly bunch - probably because they had just had a good victory.
Despite certain pithy comments of the Beaconsfield strength-in-depth policy, GX are a prime example of turning out the same team of good players (but no superstars) every week, who all play for each other and take a season-long perspective.
At 1 Mark took on Trevor Loran. Mark went down 2-3 last year after having match points and we were hoping for a similar thriller. Unfortunately Trevor was on form and Mark after extra fitness training was strangely subdued with his shots not as effective as usual,  0-3.
CK having played supremely all season pulled a muscle after a close 1st and went down 0-3 in a match that looked definitely winnable
Nic played Andy Pears at 3. Andy can run but his strokes make Chris G look like Shabana, Nic played beautifully winning the 1st with great aplomb. On the same court as CK he also pulled a muscle (strange karma going on) halfway through 2nd and with his movement hindered went down 1-3
Making a comeback from illness I was rarely in it v Hefferman. He was too flicky and I too slow and despite a tight 3rd went down 0-3.
At 5, Magic was magic, taking on the chirpy Michael Jacobs. His new found speed and movement was too much of a handful winning well 3-0.
So a disappointing 4-16 loss.
Dinner was much more exciting than the match with discussions about the GX fisticuffs v CB1A; Trevor's £1000 bet to lose 2 stone and Matt Burnett's prominent shower profile....

On Nov 7th we play Holmer Green at home. Paul is back so come on down for a beer and a gander
Thanks
Dan

Bears 2 for 1 report

Captain Kangaroo writes:

Bears vs Tigers: lost 2-3 (6-13)

The match-up against the 2nds is always going to be a big game for either the Bulls or the Bears and so it was nice that our encounter seemed to feature all three teams in some form or other. Gareth’s interesting squad policy of ‘quality not quantity’ means that he is forever nicking players from other teams, and since we aren’t into cannibalism we ended up facing a couple of Bulls masquerading as Tigers, in a sort of weird Darwinian acid trip. A close match, but yet again we walked away the wrong side of a 2-3 scoreline. It’s becoming a habit, as indeed is having one player go crook on the night. Honestly: when I get 5 players fit on one evening in one squash club, we win. It’s only happened once this season…

Adam made short work of Chris, and those who saw it likened it to a man repeatedly throwing a stick for a dog to retrieve. I know Chris is built like a whippet but that still sounds a bit harsh to me. Phil Alexander was unavailable but luckily Dave Powell wasn’t, and it was certainly an intruiging match to watch the misfiring brutality of Davies come up against the still-rusty but sheer class of DP. The big man huffed and puffed but couldn’t blow down Powell’s elegantly constructed game. 3-0.

So far, things were looking good for us but then the traditional lower order collapse happened, starting with Olly who had claimed that acupuncture and physio had worked wonders on his calf. They hadn’t. Gareth had one of his easier nights and wasn’t needed beyond two games. He was still warming down 50 mins later though. I had my usual grindingly monotonous game against The Pig, as neither of us are brave / talented enough to go for winners and so we just endlessly hit the ball up & down the wall for what seems like hours. It must be very tedious to watch, sorry. Ian usually grinds out the first two games and then suddenly decides to go for his shots in the third and I get blown away. This was no exception, other than the fact that EVERYTHING he tried came off spectacularly. But I’m not bitter. Honest.

It all then came down to Phil Collings, our resident copper, to try and arrest Coops in his tracks (see what I”ve done there? Quality writing, that). I had a sense of doom about the game as Coops is playing well at the minute, but it turned out to be the best contest of the night. I guess we all enjoy playing against certain styles, and Coops seemed to be to Phil’s liking. The rallies were long and varied, and the initiative see-sawed constantly. In the end, Coops’ superior game experience showed and he played the right shot at the right time more often than Phil did and deserved to win a tight 3-0. Great stuff.

So, a strange evening’s squash where most of it was one-sided but with pockets of competitive battling. The usual (lovely) food wasn’t available that night so we switched to the back-up plan of fish & chips. It did provide the highlight of the evening in the form of Adam trying to explain to an ignorant northerner what exactly a saveloy is, and Neil complaining bitterly that it isn’t a sausage, which is what he had ordered. Mind, he had ordered it unbattered because he didn’t want “anything lardy”, but then hopefully asked if they did pineapple fritters. I may be an ignorant northerner, but aren’t fritters….?

Away to Chesham 1879. Lost 1-4 (4-16)

I had high hopes for this one. Rumour had it that Charlie Yerrell was doing a university course and wasn’t playing for them any more, which meant that his younger brother Joe would be playing at 1 and thus court fodder for Adam. Phil Alexander was back at 2 and I’d won at 3 the last match of the season in April. Plus the fact that Lady Bear Jo Smalley was back and hungry after her injury in the club champs. The rankings put her at 5, so with the top two winning that gave us a definite win and it was just a question of whether Phil Collings or I could grab more points at 3 & 4.

Well, that plan turned out to be b******ks. The Curse of the Bears struck again with Adam going down with stomach cramps that morning and showed up only out of a driving sense of loyalty rather than being in bed, where he should have been. Oh, and Charlie’s uni course starts next week and so this was his last match of the season (thanks). Oh, and they brought in a ringer at 2 and Phil A had played one more match that week than he should have and never got out of the blocks. Oh, and that meant that Joe played down at 3 and he is a third of my age….

You get the picture. Phil got blown off court by Simon de Conaich, Phil Collings couldn’t cope with Steve French’s excellent touch at the front of court, and after nearly 10 mins Joe and I were still only 0-2. It’s hard to describe the feeling of battling as hard as you can, to near exhaustion, and yet inexorably slowly you are losing and it’s only halfway through the first game. At times like that, you wonder why you play such a stupid sport that hurts too much.

There were only two highlights of an otherwise depressing evening: the first was Lady Bear utterly crushing her opponent Dave Walden, who was admittedly slightly overweight but irritatingly skillful nonetheless. Most impressive was Jo being 1-8 down in the third and coming back to take it 10-8. She’s back, and not before time. If she can start winning at 4 or 3 we are cooking on gas.

The second highlight was the utterly mesmerizing game between Charlie and a below-par Adam. I’m pretty sure that had Adam been fit he would have beaten the elder Yerrell, but to say he went down fighting is an understatement. The quality of squash was easily First Division, with twists and turns that drew gasps from the crowd from the club which had gathered to watch. One shot in particular lives in the memory: Adam had wrong-footed his opponent and sent a powerful volley past him. In the blink of an eye Charlie spun round and caught the ball on the volley against the back wall. It looped up and just clipped the front on it’s way down. The shot was so unexpected in its brilliance that even Adam could only stand and applaud like the rest of us. It’s watching games like that when you realize why we play such a stupid sport which hurts so much. A shame it had to end and in a 1-3 defeat for Adam, his first (and only?) of the season.

We need a win, folks…….

2nds v Bulls

Gazza writes:

Well, the dust has finally settled a week after an intriguing night which saw Neil run off court at 2-1 down and announce that he was in real danger of losing his jewels! More later …
Trevor (seen right, a shadow of a former shadow) had an announcement too as he arrived at 7.35, “Gazza, can we play first as I get worse the later it gets?”. Like a jaded teacher Trevor failed to ask any proper questions and had about as much fight in him as Audley Harrison.

Neil v Jim – Neil who needed to be home by 7.30pm tried desperately to play at 6.30 but all courts were booked. Hid identical twin was obviously elsewhere so Neil quickly lost the first 2-9 but he forgot time in the second and breezed past Jim 9-3. He looked at his watch again, felt his manhood literally slipping away and lost the 3rd 7-9. I was marking and turned for a quick swig and Neil appeared on the balcony with apologies and an exit that Linford Christie would have been proud of. So it became 3-1 to Jim who had the look of someone who had just had an unsatisfactory “session”.

Natalie v Nigel – Natalie, dropped for the 2nd time by the Bulls (only joking) was predicted by Trev to lose was re-invigorated by just one of Andy Longman’s Sunday afternoon torture sessions. Nigel took the first 2 games before Nat got into the game and started to hear the Camel rattle. She took the 3rd 9-6 and the 4th 10-8 to set up a tense decider. Nigel playing perfect lobs and beautifully weighted shots that died in the back corners had enough to close out 9-6. Great match, 3-2 to Nigel; Nat is back, getting fitter.

Gazza v Trev – well we have history but that competitive edge has all but disappeared as it was more like playing with my dad who is 70 odd and heavily strapped up. The first 2 games whizzed by but I tweaked my hamstring in the 3rd and stopped moving. Fortunately Trev didn’t notice, many said I played dirty as I should of told him when it happened. Let’s hope the Trev we know and love finds his squash mojo again. 3-0 Gazza.

Toby v Pig – a hit fest which I marked, ball whizzing invariably to a length with the occasional boast thrown in and every now and again a drop shot just to keep my interest going. Toby, too fit and motivated out gunned a strangely tired Ian to win 3-0.

Seb v Ches – I heard someone saying later in the bar that this match was like the changing of the guard in the club. Seb 16 and Ches 63/64. Ches is incredibly fit for his age (he’ll smack me for that!), Seb steamed through the first 2 games for 5 points before Ches got a grip in the match and took the third. This was the match, the one that would decide a tie poised at 2-2. Seb showed no mercy, upped the pace and won 9-1. 3-1 to Seb.

A great match, 3-2 to the 2nds and 16-7. The bill for the night was about £88, a world record for when Trev is there. I did save £12 however with Neil not staying for 3 beers. And Lisa always makes it a memorable night for all with her utter disdain for us all!

Happy Birthday Di

It's Di's birthday today.

Why not go to her blog at

http://www.diholmesphotography.blogspot.co.uk

and wish her a happy day.

We've just been out for a pub lunch and a walk by the river and a swing in a swing and, as you can see, Di still swings like a young 'un.

Me? I could get in but had trouble getting out...

On the walk we found a boat that we thought we could do up and live the intrepid bohemian river life in.

It's got promise, no?

Now, onto the evening which promises curry and brandy and a cozy listen to the remaster of Peter Gabriel's 'So'; a present that she doesn't know she has yet (until she reads this). And I believe there's some footy on the TV later; it's either that or 'Three Colours Blue'. The birthday girl will probably get her way and we'll have to suffer the Champions League again.

Captain Kangaroo's band is playing a gig not too far away, so if you fancy a night out at a nice pub near Henley on Friday 9th November listening to a top-notch rock covers band then check us out. 

The Facebook site (https://www.facebook.com/DirtyRockinScoundrels) has some videos of past gigs for you to get a flavour of the stuff we play. 

If you want recommendations then ask either Toby or Nigel, who have heard us play and weren't actually rude about us, which I take as high praise indeed...

THE BUTCHERS ARMS
BLOUNTS COURT ROAD
SONNING COMMON
RG4 9RS
Music From 8.30pm
www.lemonrock.com

SID VACUOUS? AVERAGE BULLS V SORRY 2NDS

Funny how once you get hit over the head with a phrase it's echo seems to reverberate o'er every mundanity.
"Strength in Depth" seems to be the catch phrase for the season.
It might be better changed to something like "I'll be there on the dot" but then we could all put our (new team) shirts on disappointment, so... "strength in depth" it is.
Shall we call it SID instead?
Maybe treat the idea like a little pet.
Stroke it even when it starts to smell bad...

Gazza's 'Sorry 2nds' are struggling with SID; so much so that the Bulls had to stiffen their resolve with a couple of guest appearances agin the Super Bears and their own (apparently shortish) SID in last week's tight encounter (3-2 to the 2nds).
This week sees a similar predicament for our lovable Real Estater...
The initial rumour was that Gazza would put upon The Pig's better porcine nature and have the front to suggest two Bulls turning out against their own breed (a tubby Tomcat & a resting Red Squirrel) in tomorrow's Bulls v 2nds mash up.
Well, (after much heckling) a compromise of sorts sees a Bull and a Bear turn out to flatter Gazza's SID.
Match ups are below with predictions.
I was cock on last week...

Toby v The Pig 
'Magic' too much of a handful; our usually streaky Pig gets a stuffing; a crackling match though. (3-1)

Neil v The Chicken
Could be interesting after Neil's dismantling by The Turtle last week. An on form Jim to rattle The Beast until his wheels fall off? Not likely but that's the plan... (3-2 to Mr Bojangles)

Gazza v The Fox
Speaking of dismantling; after a nip and tuck league encounter with 'Lonesome' yesterday (27-0) my confidence is so low that I should fit 'umbly and smugly into Gazza's gaping poche. (3-0)

The Gnat v The Camel
A whiff of interbreeding here; Gnat to stick close to the walls, Camel to get the hump "all at sea" but bedazzle Machiness with his unorthodoxy and come out on top. (1-3)

Seb Monson v The Python
Petulance and promise v petulance and pride. Pride to win. (0-3)

So, 10 - 9 to the 2nds.

Come and watch.
7.40 start.

Is This Just Fantasy?

I hear that The Bob Heard Big Band are having another of their rehearsals tonight in preparation for the forthcoming musical evening at the club (more details of which, later).
Apparently they've exhausted The Eagles Songbook and are looking for something to challenge their ever improving musical chops.
I've found something that might be just the ticket; everyone could sing a part, the drummer Bears an uncanny resemblance to Bob Powell, there's a cameo for Big Bird at the end, and it's in C...
See if you can spot Atko...

A 'Thank You' from Chris

Making a Difference in Uganda

Gareth@ashingtonpage.co.uk

Lost Racket

Dear All,

A white Technifibre Suprem Calibur 135 racket with green techifibre strings and a green grip has gone missing from on top of a squash bag by the stairs last night (Thursday 18th).

Can everyone that was playing at the club on this evening  please check their squash bags to make sure that they haven't picked up this racket by mistake.

If you find that you have accidentially picked up this racket could you please return it to the club asap and let them know it is for the attention of Adam Pyne.

Many Thanks

BEACONSFIELD SQUASH CLUB NEWSLETTER

Welcome to the weekly club newsletter.
Each week we will be sending you details on club events, team news, club offers and much more!

NEW CLUB LOGO
The club now has a great new logo - go to the club website www.beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk to view.
This will be rolled out across the club in due course along with a new sign for the entrance.
Thanks go to John Dean from Buchanan Dean Design Ltd for designing and supplying this for us.

JOIN US ON FACE BOOK!
Yes we too are now on Facebook! Next time you are logged in please click the ‘LIKE’ button so that you can receive regular updates and information through this method.

SHOWERS
The new pump has now been installed and the boiler is due to be serviced at the beginning of November, so we should have refreshing warm showers all round!

A FAREWELL TO CHRIS
We were sorry to see Chris leave us last week after 13 years.  She will be dearly missed. Her leaving party was a great success (record sales for the bar!) and she was very touched by the huge turn-out.

UP & COMING EVENTS
Please visit the club website www.beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk for all club events.

YOUR VIEWS
We are always keen to hear your views. Please email or take time to write your suggestions in the book situated in the club foyer.

If there is anything you would like included in the weekly newsletter, relevant to the club, please email Georgina at: secretary@beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk by end of play on a Wednesday to be sure of inclusion in the next week's newsletter.

Many Thanks

Tonight: Super Bears v Sorry 2nds

There will be a intriguing encounter at the club tonight when Dave Fielding's eccentrically stacked 'Super Bears' take on Gazza's depleted troop; the (once 'Super') 2nds.
Bizarrely, there will be only 2 real 2nders on show, as a squad they're either injured, washing their hair, watching Emmerdale or partaking in Italian night classes.
All sick notes have yet to be verified, but our lovable Estate Agent (and you thought an oxymoron was a stupid Bull) has had to doff his cap to The 'Average' Bulls and come a begging for guest appearances.
Once The Pig had checked the small print regarding 'entrapment' and 'team tying' he graciously agreed to release some of his limited talents for the evening's betterment.. This season's squad selections have rendered The Bulls an average breed; a makeshift, homogenous mass of adequacy, but I'm informed that apparently they have 'strength in depth' which is a compliment akin to telling your mate that his wife has a "nice personality"; faint praise indeed for this menagerie; collectively a strange beast that has no head or tail, just a fleshy midriff, thankfully blessed with a big collective heart...
The match ups are in and they're below, with my predictions.
As you can see I have the 2nds down to pip it 3-2 but Reeves and Davies are about as consistent as a rotary engine, so things could easily flip-flop.
If you want a flutter you could contact me here...

Super Bears v Sorry 2nds   (7.30pm Start)

Adam 'Lonesome' Pyne v Chris 'The Grinder' Guildesleve  
Sprightly Adam too talented and mobile for Guilderleve's admirable but lamentable proddings. (3-0)

Dave 'The Turtle' Powell v Neil 'Mr Bojangles' Davies
A class act; the resurgent Powell should keep the belligerent beast at bay. (3-1)

Oliver 'Gertcha' Reeves v Gazza 'Gazza' Ashington 
If Ollie's in the mood this could kick off; a potential decider; it should be a cracker... Ollie's dextrous deftness to fade as he tires; Gazza's endevour and beige fortitude helps to nick it in the 5th. (2-3)

Dave 'Capt Kangaroo' Fielding v Ian 'The Pig' Piggin 
Although Dave is much improved he is over-coached and thus likes an orthodox game; The Pig's unorthodoxy will be his undoing; effectively frustrating and tying up the long limbed lubber. (1-3)

'Fluffy' Phil Collings v Jim 'The Chicken' Cooper 
Phil a bit of an unknown quantity to me but Jimbo is currently at his dynamic best. He also has the heart of a Bull... (0-3)

Super Bears Match Reports 4 for 1

Bears 4 for 1

Ever the efficient Captain (well, that’s what my co-pilots say when I make them do all the work), here are the match reports from the first four Bears contests of the season. Won just one, but points accumulated in the other matches against the injury odds mean we aren’t moaning. Unlike some others, who really should learn to be as contented with their lot in life…

1) Chesham Old Farts (home) : lost 2-3 (14-7)

The evening got off to a bad start when young Seb Monson pitched up with his right hand bandaged up after some future Tory cabinet minister from Harrow stamped on his hand in a scrum. Utter b*****d. Seb tried his best but couldn’t hit more than a couple of balls so Aubery had a walk-over. Honours were even over the remaining 4 matches, with Adam walking it (take that as read for all future reports) against Peter Smith, me playing too high at 2 but giving Richard Eaton-Hart a run for his money at 1-3, Richard Graham showing a little inexperience in rushing a match against Steve Hunt he could and should have won, and young Alex Speculand making his team debut at 5 and winning 3-1 after finally deciding that a guy in a leg brace really needed smacking off court (Neil Thomas).

2) Chesham Upstarts (away) : lost again 2-3 (13-7)Yet again we were cursed by an injury on the night, with Olly “MFI” Reeves discovering that the physio on his calf hadn’t quite worked in time. Of the remaining 4 matches, Adam was imperious against Chris Wildman (terrible to see a young man suffer like that, and I don’t mean Adam); and Phil “The Saviour” Alexander utterly bamboozled Sam Mueller, to the surprise of absolutely nobody. The lower order, however, couldn’t match the lead and Phil Collings (also a debutant this season) started promisingly against Simon Ackers - a man seemingly determined to burst the ball every time he served it – but lost out 1-3 in a game high on testosterone but low on subtlety. It fell to me at 4 to win it, and I did have high hopes as I was against Phil Williams whom I”d beaten last year when he spectacularly imploded halfway through my fightback. Unfortunately, this year the Good Phil turned up and I didn’t have the accuracy to get the ball past him. Inconsiderate b*****d.

3) RAF (away) : smashed them 5-0 (19-3)Not much to say about this one. This was the strongest team I will put out in the whole season and the RAF are one of the weakest teams in the division now Paul Warner isn’t playing for them. Adam ran riot against Phil Rea (though did lose a game, tut tut), The Saviour utterly bamboozed Lee Cobley to almost comic proportions; Dave “Prodigal Son” Powell returned to the fold from a sojourn Down Under and relied heavily on years of talent and training rather than court currency and fitness (is that a polite way of putting it?); and Andrew Egan relied heavily on his bionic wrist rather than court currency and fitness (ie. lazy b*****d). I had just got back from a trip and was still somewhere over the Sahara in the first game but woke up to finish my man off comfortably.

4) Holmer Green 2 (home) : lost 1-4 (17-5)Shame we couldn’t put the same team out two days later. HG2 are a strong team and had whipped the Bulls 4-1 the previous week. We would have loved to do better, but it appears we are no stronger than the Bulls are over the distance. Olly tried his hobbling best against Mark “two yards of tap water” Merrit (as Bullard has memorably described him) and got off to a 9-0 flyer, before the lack of fitness / stamina / talent (delete as appropriate) kicked in. I played the wiley veteran campaigner Darren Thompson at 3 and should have done a lot better than losing 1-3, but I was flat-footed and Darren anything but. One of those games where everywhere I put it Darren was there. Irritating b******d. Inspector Chapples made his first appearance for the Bears at 4, but looked short of match practice against Nick Saegar. Richard Graham played some lovely squash and the 0-3 defeat by Dave Albin doesn’t do him justice, especially when he had game point in the first. Getting closer to that first win.

The only high point of the evening was a stunning match between Adam and Ross Butler. I doubt I’ll witness a higher quality game in the division this year. The skill levels, speed and accuracy were astonishing, and the number of times we thought shots were winners only to be somehow retrieved and turned into attack was gobsmacking. It would have been an utter pleasure to watch if I didn’t have to mark it and make split-second decisions with players moving at lightening speeds and picking balls up an inch off the floor right at the front. I shudder to think of the carnage if Davies or Jones had marked it. Adam eventually ran out a magnificent 3-1 winner and the only shame is that there weren’t more people there to watch it.

So, overall disappointing not to turn those close losses into wins but we’re mid-table and looking forward to taking on the Tiger Puffs on Thursday. There are lots of positives for us: Adam remains an inspiration on and off the court; the highlight of any match is the look on opponents’ faces when playing The Saviour; Dave Powell will be unstoppable once he’s got his fitness back; Olly’s calf has to heal at some point in the season, and I’ve a fine crop of new and emerging players at 4 & 5. So, unless Gareth “thieving b******d” Ashington gets his filthy hands on my best players, things are looking good for the Bears….

Bulls v RAF

The Camel writes:

Tuesday night saw the return of the Silver Fox (TJ) from injury to bolster the side, and the debut of Ches 'The Python' Bhola in the Bull's line up.
The RAF had lost their first four matches, and without their star player Paul Warner at 1, the Bulls knew they had to make hay whilst the sun was shining...

Ches v Tony 3-0
With deft racket work and good lengths Ches took the first 2 games 9-2, 9-3. Despite a resurgence in the 3rd from Tony, Ches up'ed the tempo to take it 9-5.

Trevor v Len 3-2 

A good hour's worth for Trevor on his return, cruising to 2-0 up before Len got into gear to level at 2-2. A fine battle ensued in the 5th with the Fox taking it 9-7 to cap the best match of the night.

Camel v Wayne 3-0 

Just keep the ball away from his racket - always easier said than done in this confined sport - but enough done to secure victory.

Coops v Lee 3-1 

Lee is never one to capitulate, and having gone 0-2 down to Jim's tactful court work, punched back to take the 3rd 9-2. Jim got back in to the driving seat in the 4th and took it 9-2.

Pig v Phil 0-3 

Phil is a classy young player, and Ian rose well to the challenge of playing him at 1. Unlucky not to nick at least one game, 7-9, 5-9, 7-9, his luck will surely turn soon.

So we did make hay 16-6 and enjoyed our sausages all the more afterwards........

Next up is Gareth's Super 2nds on Tuesday. 

Some encounters to relish are in store. 

Should be a night to remember!

Hot Off the Press - unfortunately Tring have had to pull out the league with a lack of available players. The good news is that wipes the slate clean in our loss column and as we stand we are P1 W1. It also supports the Beaconsfield 'strength in depth' squad policy and the importance of playing a consistent team across the season which will pay dividends in March.

Lions v Booker
The sparse balcony were spoilt by a superb 85min contest between Bucks no2 and 3 Tom Power and Paul Boyle. Even Lino found his way off his bar stool to gasp at the quality of shot and retrieving. At 0-6 in 1st Paul looked out of sorts but that Kiwi spirit took hold and he pulled back to 6-6 forcing Tom out of position and playing the short winner. Tom pushed to 8-6 and with the clock at 30mins we knew this game was crucial. Paul found a third wind and won 10-8 after 40mins. Phew.
Meanwhile Nic was in full control of the flamboyant but fragile Andy Walters winning for a handful of points.
Mark then took on the unshaven hill-billy lookalike, double back hander, Harry Carr. MT played well but was out paced and out hit in 3. As they say a good young-un will always beat a good old-un. (Btw did you know old ginger-p***s is now 50). Too sprightly by half for a man of his senior years.
Paul and Tom's battle was continuing at the same high pace and the match see-sawed to 7-5 to Paul in 5th. Unfortunately this was as far as he could go, going down 7-9 in one of the best matches l've seen at the club.
CK took on Adam Edge, a dangerous quality player 20 years younger than our Zen-master. CK controlled the match on a warm court with his cuts, flicks, lobs, drops and volleys moving Adam from corner to corner. A close match ensued of contrasting styles but CK had enough in reserve to close out 5th 9-2.
At no5 l managed to see off Chris Popham 3-0 who was marginally less mobile and committed than l.
So a good win 3-2, 15-8
-----------------------------------------------------

Lions v Aylesbury
Paul got suckered into picking CK up from his new house somewhere near Bracknell and detoured around most of the M40. Not ideal prep for a match v Tom Phipps, Bucks no1. Whereas Tom Power and Paul play a similar style, Phipps explosive power and shot making needs controlling, so a game of contrasting styles entertained the crowd. Paul floating about whilst trying to create an opening and Tom trying to smack it in the nick at every opportunity. Not the classic match of the week before. Too many mistakes and some clumsy points (its all relative though!) and a slightly heavier than expected Tom prevailed 3-1.

At 2 Tredders played the feisty southern outpost of the tartan army Ian McGowan. Mark should have no problem we  thought but no such luck. Ian picked up all MTs short winners (something he's nor used to at Bec) and gradually frustrated and dictated play to pull off a fine 3-1 win.

Thankfully the lower order was more proficient. CK taking apart the huffing and puffing Sam the Gamekeeper in 3 by keeping the ball icy cold and super tight.

Nic chopped up Craig Bartlett for 5 points and l comfortably beat Chris 3-0.
So what started off as a disaster turned into a 15-6 win. Paul and Ck left with doggy bags to ensure they were back in time for this weeks match v Chesham Bois 2.
Team: Mark, CK, Matt Burnett, Nic and Chris.

Dan Fernandez
07968 781598

Holmer Green v Bulls' Bare Bones

HG Upstarts v Bulls

By The Dodo (Bullard)

Almost didn’t recognise the venue, they’ve painted it, very bright.  They’ve also done something about the heating, last time I played there it was so hot I thought my shorts were on fire.  I assume their heating bill must have had something to do with sacrificing a considerable home advantage.

First up, yours truly.  A little apprehensive as it was my first game of the season – fit but untested.  My opponent was Nick, who had a haircut uncannily like Bart Simpson’s, and only looked a little older.  Started off reasonably well, but soon found that Nick was very quick (Quick Nick, I guess).  About 3 or 4 times I played a perfect drop shot, but he still got them back.  

First game see-sawed a bit, but lost 3-0.

On the next court was Natalie, didn’t see the game, but it didn’t bode well when we met at the water fountain after my first game and she was already 2-0 down.  I asked her afterwards what happened, and she said she “had been looking at leaves through a microscope all day”(?)

Lost 3-0

The Camel was on next, made a slow start (no surprise there), and lost the first game to a young, thrusting Darren.  I’ll come back to this later.

Jim was playing Mark Mellett. Mark bears a striking similarity to two yards of tapwater and was feeling a bit peaky due to running a half marathon.  Mark has two killer shots, returning a lob serve and waiting till you think he has left it too late before playing it back down the wall, both of which he used to great effect against Jim.  However, Jim gradually worked out that Mark was reluctant to move more than two steps in any direction and started to make progress with useful drop shots.  His big chance came in the third game when he was 8-2 up.  Unfortunately, uncharacteristically inconsistent play meant he let the chance slip through his fingers and lost 3-0.

Meanwhile, the Camel was now 2-1 down and just warming up.  I don’t often feel sorry for opponents, but this was torture to watch. Relentlessly plodding.  You could see it coming, as inevitable a trip in a hangman’s cart.

Big Pig was up last, playing Ross Baker, a big slippery dude who liked to play cute shots. Ian’s orthodox power game looked solid enough, but didn’t really pose any difficulty to the tricky Mr Baker. There were a few occasions when a simple drop shot by Ian would have been enough, but his drive kept letting Ross back in.  A close third game and I think he had game ball, but he just couldn’t close it.  Lost 3-0

Meanwhile, the Camel had triumphed! 3-2, what a win.  Darren was seriously miffed.  All that work and nothing to show for it.

A disappointing night for an under strength Bulls.  Things can only improve.  Come back Trevor.

John Bullard

Super 2nds v Buckingham

The 2nds welcomed Buckingham squash club last night, who boast a membership of about 75 with many old farts, resulting in a pool of about 25 playing members. Membership costs £26 pa! We'll see what it's like when we visit in January.

Toby played a German called Torben and poor Torben got 5 points all match as a determined and ever fitter Toby had one complaint, "I am getting to the ball too quickly, I now know how Harry felt after all his training with Matt Burnett" 3-0 Toby

Kev, guesting for the 2nds is lacking power due to scar tissue around his shoulder patted the ball around, a la Steve Cox but after a tight first game talked his oppo out of the next 2 to win 3-0. With his constant chat and looks to the gallery is he the new Bob Heard?

Neil was next against Darren Trotter (great name) an enthusiastic Auzzie who is very proud of his nation recently winning the female 20/20 World Cup! Great times for the Brits and Europeans. Neil was hopeless and hapless, not a happy camper at all. He took the first game and from there it all went downhill as Neil lost 1-3.

Antti played Dom West and destroyed him for 3 points. Antti is back and Toby has duly collected his bonus, he is a big banker after all!

I played Angus an unorthodox player, Bulls and Bears will see later. I took the first easily, went 7-2 down in the 2nd before taking it and the third. 3-0 win.

4-1 win, 17- 6. 
Next week we're against the Bears and we already 2 players down. 
I have sent an SOS to Ian and fellow Bulls for reinforcements against a heavily stacked Bears team which if all the best players played would challenge for the league! 
I don't expect Trevor to help out though! 
Gazza

In the name of fair play one would hope that the Bears might start resting or rotating their squad. Ask the club captain for guidance if you're short Gazza (or for the logic behind the squad machinations); it'll be @40 minutes after you need it, but you're sure to get a balanced response... 
Meanwhile, The Bulls got 4 points last night... 
Trev x

Super 2nds Reports. 3 for 1

Super 2nds v Chesham 1879

We were caught cold and given an early lesson in reverse phycology from captain Roger Hill. Stung by my rejecting his request to change the fixture as in his words “the season has come upon us and we're not ready” he paid the price of a first class ticket to bus in Sam Watts to play at 1 pushing Charlie Yerrell to 2. My groan was a loud one. He played a hapless Toby who won just 4 points and can now be seen serving out his punishment each Sunday afternoon as Andy Longman takes us to a few heart beats short of cardiac arrest.

Antti played Charlie and the flying Finn had a long and tight first game, lost it and the 2^nd but came back strongly in the 3^rd to take it. 2-1 Charlie and his was visibly tiring such was the tenacity of Antti. In the 4^th Antti had a mini meltdown having fully played a shot and afterwards asking for a let, saying he was impeded. No let was given and Antti’s fight went with the decision going down 3-1. Antti has the potential to take Charlie to 5. Next time!

Neil was up against the young Joe Yerrell and a more corpulent and rusty Neil struggled with the pace. All those late night beers at Seer Green’s excellent Jolly Cricketers finally told and Neil is promising to shed several stone in January. What’s more he is willing to do it with someone else, a mutual self-flagellation. Could our very own Chairman be about to lose half his body weight? 3-0 Joe.

I played the smoking and drinking man that is Steve French. Fatherhood and sheer exhaustion have taken away these vices and he just wanted his bed and dummy. I won 3-1.

                                                                                                                                                               

Then came Phil A, the prodigal son returning before disappearing again to become a Bear. He was a man barely alive, rebuilt, stronger, faster (sadly untrue) but he was too much for his corpulent oppo and ran out with a 3-0 win. Beac 2 lost 3-2 and 14-7 and I felt proper turned over as Sam is unlikely to play again this season and Charlie is starting a degree course which will mean he won’t play much for the rest of the season.

Gazza  

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Super 2nds v Booker

Beac 2 hit the road to take on the unbeaten WSRC 2, Booker to you and me. 

Antti went on first against another leftie and he lost 3-0 for 11 points in the time I had played 2 games on the other court! Clearly not happy with his game he lost 3-0 at the weekend to Dan in a league match and then had his game analysed and tweaked by no less than our new coach Toby. Antti tells me he is back and we will see against Buckingham tomorrow.

I played a 6’2 16 year old called Ed Walker who had just lost in the final of the county under 16 tournament in Thame. Oh shit! Fortunately he had a young temperament to match and I nicked the first 2 games before losing the 3^rd 9-1. He was confident now. The Andy Longman training kicked in and I managed to win the game 10-8 and win the match 3-1.

Neil went on against Dave Dunbar who I hadn’t seen before. A tight 1^st game which could go either way and in the time I moved away to look at something more interesting Neil had won it. Then his oppo decided that he had an unhealthy relationship with his squash grip and only took another point in the next 2 games. 3-0 to Neil.

Toby v George Goodchild – 2 bankers apparently, who am I to argue!? A yo-yo match, 1-1 and then 2-2 with Toby losing the 4^th 1-9. He then went on to win the 5^th 9-1 and the match 3-2.

Chris v Mark Brown – the knock up was a closely fought affair and I thought Chris edged it. I was ready to pack up then but Brownie had other ideas, namely tonking Chris 3-0 for 9 points.

We beat them 3-2 and 13-9, a great win against a strong side.

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Super 2nds v CB Juniors – 25^th September

Dirty’s arse was dragged in, albeit a late one! I made him mark though so all the usually tricks didn’t happen. 

Antti went on first v Andy Piper whose ankle has be rebuilt following an horrendous injury playing our very own Chris a season or 2 ago. Andy, precision shot maker took the first game but could contain Antti no further who took the next 2 games for 1 point before closing out 9-6 to win 3-1.

Next up was me v the tall Tim Leslie-Smith, a jovial chap who worked hard but he was on the back foot and lost quite quickly. 3-0 to me.

Neil  then played Dave Jordan, a runner and Neil still looking rusty lost the first game, took then next 2 before a tight 4^th game ended 9-7 to Neil. Neil won 3-1

Chris v Mile Thorpe – I didn’t see this match but Chris was complaining of jet leg and not having a good night’s sleep for days. Chris lost 3-0 and looked marginally greyer after than when he first arrived.

Dirty v Tom Paine – a niggly match, quell surprise! I had the pleasure of marking part of it and Dirty’s form is slowly returning whilst his contrary behaviour to oppo and marker is undiminished.

4-1 Beac 2 and 16-6, first win