Why not read this week's Club News to the strong but sweet strain of Lionel Richtea singing 'Hello, is it Tea You're Looking For?'

Beaconsfield Squash Club Ltd 

News & Events

CLUB NEWSLETTER 28.2.13

MATCHES AT HOME THIS WEEK

February
28th Ladies 1st v Chesham Bois 2
28th Bears v Chesham 1879

March
3rd Juniors
5th 2nd Team v Chesham Bois Senior
6th Lions v Holmer Green (for 2nd place!)

Senior team match results can now be viewed on the club website under Teams Fixtures & Results.
Junior team results will be in the Juniors section.

LADIES RACKETBALL
A new session of Racketball is about to start on Friday’s 11-12pm. We welcomed a number of new people to our post-Christmas session. The feedback has been great with people especially appreciating the flexibility of ‘pay as you play’. The plan going forward is to continue racketball through to the end of May (9 weeks) this takes into account the Easter Break and Bank Holidays dates as follows:
March: 8th,15th, 22nd (3 weeks)
April: 19th, 26th (2 weeks)
May: 3rd,10th,17th, 24th (4 weeks)
Members: £5 Non-Members: £7
Please email deborah.holmes@upmentors.com to sign-up or just come along on the 8th March.

JUNIOR LEAGUES
Junior leagues close this Sunday, 3rd March, so do try and play some more matches before then.

SOUTH REGIONAL RACKETBALL CLOSED
The closing date has been extended until Friday 1st March(12pm).
The competition will be held on Saturday 9th March at Racquets Fitness Centre, Thame.
£15 entry fee includes a free t-shirt!
Prizes and trophies for winners and runners up. Winners will also receive free entry into the National Racketball Champs in June.
Enter online:
http://englandsquashandracketball.com/competitions/981

LOST PROPERTY
We seem to be collecting quite a wardrobe of items which will make the local scarecrows the most fashionable in town!
Please take time to check none of these items belong to you/your family.

UP COMING EVENTS:

MARCH
1st Golf at Berkhamsted
Places still available for tomorrow. Please contact Mark Thomas mthomas@thomaswilliamsgroup.com for more information.

2nd Senior Table Tennis Champs - POSTPONED

4th Club Night

9th Quiz Night 7.30pm
These nights are so popular we will be hosting 4 quizzes in total this year!
Gear up the mind as well as your body!
Gather your team and sign-up in the club.
£2.50 per entrant or £10 including food (orders required ASAP).

10th Six Nations England v Italy*
16th Six Nations England v Wales*

23rd Junior Club Night with Fish & Chip Supper 5-8pm.
This is always a firm favourite with the kids. Two hours of squash followed by a well deserved fish & chip suppper!
Please sign-up on the club notice board.

APRIL
8th Club Night
w/c 20 Over 45/55's Club Tournament
26/27/28 Squash Club Championships

* Watch the Six Nations Rugby live at the club with Chairman's Bar Specials


Please visit the club website www.beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk for all club information.

If there is anything you would like included in the weekly newsletter, relevant to the club, please email georgina@beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk by end of play on a Wednesday to be sure of inclusion in the next week's newsletter.

Bulls v 2nds

Bulls skipper Ian Piggin writes:

After being put out to pasture for a week, the Bulls returned home to face the mighty Beaconsfield 2nd team. Just in case you're unsure, I'm referring to the tribe lead by Gareth, not the Bears.
Intra-club team matches have become quite civilised affairs in the recent past and this was no different.

Trevor (aka Fox) started out against Heather Joy (actually a Bulls squad player but now a regular for the 2nds). I saw Captain Fielding's report on his game against Heather and I can imagine that was a battle of muscle v matchplay. Trevor has been accused of many things over the years but I can't imagine being over-muscled is one of them. Trevor started off with his usual tactic - a convivial chat during warm-up. I don't think Heather has yet realised the best response is to simply ignore him. She's far too well mannered for that. The first two games were very close. A battle between Heather's patient matchplay, a fantastic ability to seemingly dig anything out of back corners and ample stamina and Trevor's highly effective front court arsenal of drops, backhand cross court kill and attacking boast. Heather took the first game. As Trevor got his front court game dialled-in, the match swung in his favour. After Trevor took the 2nd 10-8, he went on to take the next two a little more comfortably, but not that comfortably. He ran better than he has all season. On paper, something of a mis-match in styles but a very entertaining game. Bulls 1 up.

Whilst Trevor was on court 4, Jim "Chicken" Cooper played Gareth. As I was marking Trevor's game, I didn't see too much of this game. I heard plenty of swearing. I passed Jim in the corridor between games appearing to be in a state of self-flagellation/admonishment any member of opus dei might be proud of. This was an effective self-motivational tool in the third game, Jim taking it 9-7, but didn't work at all in the other 3 games, which he lost. A bit out of sorts, we need our best points collector back next week. Bulls/2nds level. ok, where do we go from here then?

I went up against Antti. We have similar styles of play but I'm yet to develop antti's patience and stamina. A thoroughly enjoyable game (for me at least) but after a purple patch taking the second 9-2 and getting to 8-3 in the third the wheels fell off a little. Unfortunately, Antti sensed this and picked up the pace. I was a bit spent. He went on to take it 3-1. 2nds 2-1 up. That wasn't the plan.

In the time it took for Antti and I to warm-up, Toby did for our Koala chairman Mears on the other court. By all accounts (including his own), Kev played pants. I suspect Toby might say he played well and relentlessly pushed hard on every point. 2nds 3-1 up. Damn.

Finally, the match of the evening started. Our wheezing Camel faced the young buck Seb. I only got to see the last 2 games. By this stage, Nigel was 2-1 up. This really was a clash of styles. As far as I can make out, unless Nigel is playing Trevor, they both generally have a clash of styles. Being awkward and difficult to beat is a fine strategy. The Camel has perfected this to a fine art. A deft mixture of attacking boast, drops, lobs and a "love of the cold ball" can be highly effective. This can be totally infuriating if you just want to spank it. Seb, I sensed, wanted to spank it, at least most of the time. I think the Camel got to 8-4 up in the fourth and served for match ball, once or twice. However, after a couple of huge rallies (possibly exceeding 5 or 6 shots), the Camel looked exhausted. He then developed an affinity with anything " not in court" and succumbed to losing the game 10-8. Everyone then at the bar (including WKP turning 60 - happy birthday WKP) thought the Camel's run was done. Except, perhaps he, no doubt from prior experience of winning from impossible positions. You'll no doubt have worked out the Camel took the fifth, but only after a lot of heart, diagonal court sprints, errors, lets/strokes and general untidiness from two exhausted players. A great game, enjoyed by all.

So, the 2nds took the match 3-2, but it was close.

The Bulls are away next week to 1879. A relegation decider. Perhaps.

Pig

Another Clutch of Tardy Lions' Match Reports

3 more match reports from the Lions covering Feb matches.

Written by Dan Fernandez:

V Booker

Despite lurking at the bottom of the table Booker (league champs 2x years ago) can bring in any number of quality players from around the home counties. Unfortunately for them this was not the case with the exception of Tom ‘the power’ Power at no1. All the other matches merged into the weeds as Tom and our Paul engaged in a match royale. The balcony was pretty full due to the extensive pre-publicity (club email out the night before) and a great contest unfolded. Tom, 15years younger started well hitting hard and covering the court at high speed 1-0. Paul took hold of the 2nd slowing the rallies down and controlling the pace with great length and court craft making Tom reach for every shot 1-1. The third continued in the same vein and there appeared only one winner. Tom having previously played most of the ‘old’ Lions always seemed to have loads of time and played a tight game but in the extremes of battle his game was too loose and Paul was comfortable 2-1. In the 4th mistakes crept in, Tom now wounded, hounded his oppo and forced the 5th 2-2. Paul stepped up a gear moving Tom into the corners and playing some fine drops took it 3-2.
I can’t remember much about the other games. I won v Duncan at 5. Nic beat Rob Wallace at 4. CK struggling with his knee surprisingly lost to gorgeous George at 3. Mark won easily against a tubby leftie. Result 4-1 Lions

V Aylesbury

Another team in the lower mid-order we have performed poorly against and with Paul up north for National Masters championships we were weak at 1 but welcomed Adam Pyne debuting at 3. Mark had an enjoyable run against Tom Phipps taking a game and very nearly the 4th against the county no1, 1-3. Nic played Ian McGowan at 2 who has improved in recent months and played well to go close in first two games although each went against and 3rd went away too quickly 0-3. At 3 Adam was likely to have a v.hard match v Sam Hales who looks like he should be playing at no2 going forward. Adam rallied well against a younger oppo who was very quick and made no mistakes. Both playing a similar style hard length game and on a hot court it was nip n tuck but Adam not used to this level of play just missed out in both to go down 0-2. In 3rd Adam was struggling with a pulled knee and had to withdraw mid-way through – welcome to Div1!! At 4 I won against Simon Townsend who has come back from injury 3-0. At 5 Ian ‘pig’ Piggin played Dave Herron and in a pacey loose game with big forehands cracking the ball around the court played well wearing DH down to win 3-2. So a 7-15 defeat but we did have homemade pheasant curry to make up for it!

V CB 1B

Without Paul, having injured his back getting to semi-finals of National O40s (cap suitable doffed in respect), we were up against our banana skin team CB1B. So far v the weakest team we are 0-2 down for the season albeit they have strengthened with Charlie Yerrell now at 2. However, with home advantage the Lions pulled up their socks and pulled off a comfortable 4-1 victory. In CKs last match before his hair transplant (sorry I mean knee op) he played Charlie at 2 and was up against it in an oppo 1/3 of his age and twice his size. Despite a close 3rd he went down 0-3. Mark at 1 played an unfit Phil Taylor fresh from darts training and played an error strewn game but did well to close it out 3-0. Nic played Rob Parry at 3 who I’ve never seen before and seemed a bit lightweight for that level. Despite this Nic did his usual, winning 1st easily, losing a tight 2nd and then it was anyone’s match, however Nic’s new fitness programme kicked in and he was a comfortable 3-1 winner. At 5 the Pig played up again (he has lofty ambitions) and won (again) against a (very) large Tim Paul. Ian was too fast and too fit for his oppo and won well 3-1 (he has a better record for Lions 2-1 than Bulls – work that one out?!?). I then took on Neil Hinds, a gentlemen of the game and still a quality senior player who was hoping for a rise up the county O45 ranking by getting the better of me. Unfortunately for him I was on decent form for once and by keeping the pace up in a close first two games did the damage to his fitness and won 3-1. In honour of CK last match (what will he do with himself for the next 8 wks?) we had a Basmati curry for dinner to cap off a fine 16-6 win.

Next home match 6 March. Last Lions match of the season v Holmer Green. We lie 3rd and HG are 2nd and with points close its likely the winner will get 2nd place in the league.
Come on down to watch the action.

Thanks,
Dan

Club Afternoon. This Saturday

Why not come along to club afternoon this Saturday 23rd February? 

Starts at 2pm through until 5pm. 

All levels - you can just turn up and play as much or as little as you like. 

Adam will be here to provide coaching tips or have a game.

A bargain at £5 for the afternoon plus... 

The RBS Six Nations game between England and France starts at 5pm, with 'Chairman Specials' at the bar. 

So what a good excuse to stay! 

Or... just come for the rugby!

Tigers v Bears

Report of Tigers vs Bears

By Dave Fielding

Well, this was the Big One. Top two teams in the division head to head and the match of the season. And boy, did it live up to expectations. An absolutely superb evening of squash, one of those matches which it was a privilege to be part of and which make you remember why we drag ourselves out week after week though the winter.

Team selection was eagerly debated. With my top three fit, well and in the country (always a bonus), plus the welcome return to form of Olly Reeves, this meant competition for the no.5 slot between me and Lady Bear. We had a shoot-out the weekend before and I sneaked it, thus earning my place on merit. Andy Egan had something airy fairy to say about that, but he’s Welsh so doesn’t count.

Gareth had his team issues as well, with Antii being sadly away that day (his quality would have made a great evening even better) and Neil rather spectacularly falling off the wagon – and the pavement – the Friday before and sending a grovelingly apologetic text to his captain. Gareth’s verdict in the changing rooms definitely wasn’t PG rated. This meant an outing for the newest member of the club: Heather Joy. More on her later. Seb Monson moved up to 4, with Chris at 3, Gareth at 2 and Toby at 1.

Slightly unusually, Adam was first on against Toby. I didn’t see the game because I was on the other court but Adam said that wouldn’t stop me writing anything I wanted about it because apparently even when I watch a game I report on a fictional one. He has no idea what he’s talking about, poor boy. Anyway, he played beautifully, with some glorious shots, in particular his drops which were utterly magnificent etc etc. I haven’t a clue as to what actually happened, but Toby got the first game 10-8 which was a top effort.

Next door, I was up against Heather. She has joined with an impressive pedigree: played county up in Warwickshire, leftie (always tricky), times the ball beautifully, tight & accurate. A suspiciously large number of people told me this prior to the game, which was basically code for “you’re going to be beaten by a girl but don’t feel bad about it. We won’t rip too much out of you.” Yeah right: much as I would love to, I haven’t forgotten that match against young Amy Jones.

On we went and everything they said was true, and more. My evening and immediate future looked bleak as I lost a tight first game. I was hanging on for dear life and as the game wore on the gallery got steadily larger in an eerily familiar way. Somehow approaching the hour mark we were 2-2 and both utterly exhausted. Even the Great Guru Koko knew he couldn’t reprise his famous motivational pep talk of “up the work rate, you lazy b******d” so instead counselled me to conserve my energy in the 5th by volleying more. Thankfully it worked. I think I only won because I was the last one standing. That and the BBAG factor, which must never be underestimated. Fabulous game.

So, 2-0 up and looking good. Next pairings on were Olly vs Seb, and Dave Powell vs Gareth. They went on at the same time and finished at the same time – an hour later – just to keep the drama up. For this was where the match was won and lost. Seb has improved dramatically over the last year and is developing into a really dangerous player. He is tall, light, strong and lightening quick. Olly has superior skills but needed all of them. Some of Seb’s retrieving was out of this world and left Olly staring at the gallery with his “how the hell did he get that??” face, which is never a pretty sight. We may have thought he had the fitness of an Tesco burger, but even having played football that afternoon (duh?) Olly proved us wrong to outlast Seb and take the match 3-2.

Meanwhile, DP was having a battle royal with the Tigers’ captain. Gareth is one of those players who isn’t naturally talented but works massively hard on his fitness and movement. DP is the exact opposite. The result is, ironically, two very effective players and it made for a fascinating contest. The rallies were long and punishing with Gareth keeping the error count very low, cleverly playing to his strengths and denying DP his. They were only in the 4th game come the 50 min mark, with DP edging it 2-1, when a significant passage of play happened. Dave was at match point when there was the longest of those teeth-crunchingly long and gruelling rallies, one which went on and on and on. Gareth refused to be cowed and won it. In disappointment, I turned to Adam and remarked that anyway it didn’t matter: there was no way back for Gareth from this point. “You know nothing about lactic acid do you?” he replied. Sure enough, that rally had taken its toll on DP and Gareth promptly took an alarming run of points. Dave dug deeper than he had all season and fell over the line to win 3-1. He admitted afterwards that if he hadn’t won the 4th he would have lost big time.

So, down to the Saga match: Phil Alexander against Chris Gildersleve. It’s never nice when the elderly are up past their bed time, and for the first couple of games Phil seemed to have trouble facing the right way let alone hitting the ball. I’ve never seen so many unforced errors from the man. Yet he is a true grit player and dug in to level the match at 2-2. As time went on Chris was also getting better and hitting his rhythm, so it made for a fascinating last game that almost made the watching gallery forget that it was past 1045 at night and we were hungry. Koko pulled every trick in his formidable armory but Chris had the energy and skill to deal with them and nicked the last 9-7. Great stuff.

What an evening, one which could have gone either way. Above all, it was fun and what it’s all about. Much as I would love to be smug, 18-9 doesn’t tell the full story: it was too close for me to be anything other than relieved. But also a tiny bit proud of the team who had started the season losing the first five matches. Beaconsfield first and second in the division by some distance - who would have thought it? And in Heather we have a quality player who will further strengthen our impressive squads. 

Happy days.

Golf days - Squash Club Golf Society

Golf Society days - dates for your diary:

Friday 1st March - Berkhamsted - £57.50 - includes the all important bacon roll, golf and lunch. We have 8 at the moment and need 12 - so please sign up on the noticeboard at the club or give the office a ring.

Friday 12th July - Worplesdon - £82.50 - different format for summer. Soup and sandwiches at 1400 - golf - then home for a curry for those wanting to 'stay out'. Once again please sign up on the noticeboard at the club or ring the office.

Thursday 29th August - Sunningdale - £280 - includes breakfast, afternoon tea, the Old and New courses. Probably the ultimate inland courses in the UK. We have 6 at the moment and need a minimum of 8 but could take 12. 

If interested please email simon.mouncer@talk21.com 

Join PCL's Team for the London to Brighton Cycle Race

PCL writes:

Hi Squash Gang,

On the 16^th June I will be taking part in my 30^th consecutive London – Brighton Cycle Ride.  To celebrate and raise loads of cash for charity I am looking for 29 mates to come with me.  At only 57 miles it is a piece of cake and if everyone can raise c £250 each in sponsorship we can donate a significant amount to my  2 x nominated charities – The British Heart Foundation & Thames Hospice Care.

Start time from Clapham Common will be 7am leaving the White House in Denham at 06.00am. A coach will take us to London and collect us from Brighton after we have had a lovely picnic on the beach and some well-deserved wine & beer.

Please enter by clicking on the join Philips team link below.  
Latest registration is Wednesday 20^th February.

We accept absolutely anyone...

Chris Guildersleve (right) is in and so, seemingly is his son Harry...

Just do it!

Regards

Philip

07940 570570

Dear philip!,

London to Brighton Bike Ride 2013

Congratulations, you are now the team leader of Philips 30th Ride in this year's London to Brighton Bike Ride priority registration.

Creating your team It's really easy to create your team! All you need to do now is forward this email invitation to anyone you wish to join your team.

For anyone who is aged 14 - 18 please use this link to register.

Dear London to Brighton potential teammate

philip courtenay-luck has invited you to join their team, Philips 30th Ride in this year's London to Brighton Bike Ride.

Registering is easy! This invitation holds your place as part of Philips 30th Ride until 4pm on 20 February 2013, provided there are still places in the team. Use the unique link below to register and pay for your place on this legendary bike ride.

Places are limited and are allocated on a first come, first served basis for each team. Your invitation is only valid if invited by the team leader.

Here are the event details:

London to Brighton Bike Ride 2013 - Priority Registration

Sunday 16 June 2013
Start: Clapham Common, London
Finish: Madeira Drive, Brighton

Entry Fee: £35.00 (Adult)

Join philip's team Philips 30th Ride now!

If you have any issues with the Team Invite link not working, please copy and paste ALL of the following link into your browser address bar:

http://www.bhf.org.uk//get-involved/events/view-event.aspx?ps=1001670&teamid=85LdTVwpiNU%3d

If this email is not intended for you or you would like more information about getting involved in our amazing and varied events programme, please have a look at our website http://www.bhf.org.uk/events

Thanks for joining us in the fight against heart disease and we look forward to seeing you there!

Happy Cycling, the London to Brighton team

Incident at the Club Bar

I was at the club the other night and heard three girls with an overabundance of flesh, talking at the bar.
Their accent appeared to be Scottish, so being the friendly type, I approached and asked, "Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?"
One of them screeched, "It's WALES, you bloody idiot!"
So I apologized and replied, "I am so sorry. Are you three whales from Scotland?"

And... that's the last thing I remember....

 

 

CLUB NEWSLETTER 14.2.13

Beaconsfield Squash Club
News & Events

CLUB NEWSLETTER 14.2.13

Happy Valentine's Day!

MATCHES AT HOME THIS & NEXT WEEK
20th Lions v Chesham Bois 2
26th Bulls v Tigers
27th Ladies 3rd v Wycombe
28th Ladies 1st v Chesham Bois 2

Home support at these matches is always much appreciated by the teams, so do come down and watch.

Senior team match results can now be viewed on the club website under Teams Fixtures & Results.
Junior team results will be in the Juniors section.

COACHING UP-DATE
Continuing on from our review on how to improve the roll-up, we have initiated a programme where team players will be approached to come and share their skills and knowledge of the game with our juniors at roll-up. They will hold sessions with our more advanced junior players and take them through a number of drills, they may even have one or two tricks to share! We think this is a great way of connecting the two sides of our club; giving the children an opportunity to have a hit with some of the squash champions in our club and for the team members to see how we are developing the next generation of squash players. So far there has been a great response, many thanks to Nigel McNeil for taking on the co-ordinator role.

SCHOOL HOLIDAY COACHING NEXT WEEK
18th, 19th & 20th February (minimum of 4 children are required to run the training session).
Sign-up sheet is on the Junior Notice Board.
Beginners:9:30-10:30am (3 days) Members £24, Non Members £30
Intermediate/Advanced 11:00–12:30pm (3 days) Members £36, Non Members £45
You can attend a single session if you can't make the three days.
All coaching will be undertaken by a Level 4 and Level 1 Approved England Squash Coach.
To register please contact the Admin Team on 01494 671307 or email secretary@beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk

JUNIOR LEAGUES
A reminder that all Junior League matches are to be played by March 3rd. Why not use half-term to get your matches in and move up the leagues.

COURTS FOR HIRE
We are keen to offer a variety of classes; circuit training/pilates/yoga etc on the courts during off-peak times and possibly some evenings and weekends.
If you know of anyone who may be interested in running these classes, please ask them to email georgina@beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk. and refer them to the club website for further information.

UP COMING EVENTS:
FEBRUARY
18/19/20 Half-term Junior Coaching
23rd Club Afternoon 2-5pm
23rd Six Nations England v France*
25th AGM

MARCH
2nd Senior Table Tennis Championships
1st Golf at Berkhamsted
4th Club Night
9th Quiz Night 7.30pm
10th Six Nations England v Italy*
16th Six Nations England v Wales*
23rd Junior Club Night with Fish & Chip Supper

APRIL
1st Club Night
w/c 20 Over 45/55's Club Tournament
26/27/28 Squash Club Championships

* Watch the Six Nations Rugby live at the club with Chairman's Bar Specials

Please visit the club website www.beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk for all club information.

If there is anything you would like included in the weekly newsletter, relevant to the club, please email georgina@beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk by end of play on a Wednesday to be sure of inclusion in the next week's newsletter.

Bears vs RAF 7/2/13

Dave Fielding writes:

This was one of those juicy fixtures which everyone was looking forward to. RAF, for the earlier part of the season the whipping boys, had strengthened their squad with a couple of guys who once flew in an aircraft and so qualified to play for the RAF. Six matches unbeaten and flying (ouch, sorry) up the table. But then they met the Bears…

We were up for this one. Competition for places in the Bears was fierce and the quality high. Points and percentages were there to be proved and improved, especially with the Bulls captain in attendance to make sure we didn’t screw up against potential relegation opposition for them.

Ian needn’t have worried. First up was Lady Bear, still smarting after her first team loss of the season the previous week. She was up against a man mountain of a PTI Pete Fletcher, who must have been over 6’4”. It was almost as comical physical mismatch as when I played tiny Amy Jones of Chesham. Jo utterly cut the guy to pieces in the first two games with a stunning display of intelligent squash. I watched awestruck as she scented a weakness in the Hulk’s game (inability to deal with a floated ball into the back corners) and ruthlessly exploited it point after point. I could readily identify with the panic in the poor chap’s mind as he started to imagine the ribbing he would get on the way home for being beaten by a girl half his size. This did seem to galvanize him eventually – clearly he learnt as quickly as he moved around the court – and he fought back to level the match. But Lady Bear showed that grit which has characterized her game this year and finished the job off in the 5th. Hulk didn’t emerge out of the changing rooms until tempted by food. He had a face which foretold of the future I would have had if I’d been been beaten by 13 yr-old Amy…

Next door Olly was locking horns with the other PTI on the RAF team. Danny Batson is famous for two things: firstly being fit as a fiddle, and secondly having legs like a billiard table. However, he is also just coming back from a serious injury, which gave Olly heart. It was a tense and error-strewn match, but winning a very tight first game 9-7 gave Olly a vital boost and he really dug in to record a magnificent first win of the season in some style: 3-0. The man is back, and do I detect some of that old swagger in his backswing? Not before time, and very welcome.

So far so good. Dave Powell on next against Lee Cobley, whom Koko (on leave this week) had reduced to a gibbering wreck earlier in the season – “hadn’t a bloody clue which way the ball was going!”. He didn’t fare much better against DP, who was good when he was rusty and is now steadily heading towards the awesome. It’s an embarrassment of riches, I tell you. A trouble-free 3-0, with plenty of trademark flamenco backhands on display for good measure.

I was next door against their captain Len Brettell at 4. Typical RAF, built like an anorexic lamp-post, but I had more firepower at my disposal. Having just arrived back from a couple of brutal days skiing in deep off-piste (the perfect preparation, what are you talking about?), I had a bit of a wobble in the third as the tank wasn’t quite as full as I’d thought, so I went for bust in the 4th and upped the pace. Fortunately it worked.

That left the showpiece match of the top seeds. Adam was up against Ian Digby, who is no mug with over 20 years’ experience in the Bucks & Herts top divisions. Shuffled round the court in an almost apologetic fashion, yet had a sublime touch. Adam was perhaps guilty of underestimating his opponent. His frustrations at being made to work harder than anticipated boiled over in the second game when he shoved Ian out of the way when he thought he’d been baulked once too often. If looks could kill, Ian would be behind bars for life, and the balcony erupted into a whispered “fight, fight fight….” DP kept an admirable handle on affairs, however, and Adam soon realized he’d overstepped the mark and to his credit made a huge effort to play nicely for the remainder of the game. The schoolboys in the gallery were left disappointed at the subsequent love-in, and Adam eventually ran out a 3-0 winner.

So, a very satisfying evening which saw the eventual score 19-3. If the website ever gets updated, it would show us now a very healthy second in the table, and all eyes are turning to Tuesday’s encounter with the league leaders, our very own Seconds. Clash of the Titans – unmissable. Don’t worry Gareth, I’ll write the match report. Even though you’re the home team. You will clearly have far more important things to do…

By the way, quote of the evening came from Ian Digby, who is an old mucker of Chris Gildersleve from inter-county: “Chris is the only guy I know who can wear designer gear from head to toe and still look scruffy.”
Priceless.

Bulls v Holmer Green Koko's Report

Koko might nominally be 'a Bear' but we Bulls recognize him as a kindred spirit. Whilst The Bears were busy bullsh*tting in the woods Phil was supporting his club with bullish intent; he was all over the place: coaching, heckling, scoring, polishing the coat hooks behind the bar...

Koko writes (well, it's more like 'typing'...):

In the spirit of club kinship between the ‘other’ second teams at the Club and because my hand went up too quickly following dinner I am cheekily penning the brief match report from last Tuesday’s match between the Bulls and HGSC
I was fortunate to see most of the matches and can report that happily for the Bulls and Beaconsfield that they enjoyed a somewhat comfortable win …….

First on was Captain smasher ‘Pig’ who played awkward Darren who had the previous week made DP work for his points and so it turned out in this match , all at sea in the first Ian let Darren build up a comfortable lead in the second before starting to play better lengths and dropping the ball !! , he took the second and third with better straightforward squash and – after a few dodgy calls (swiftly denied by Trevor’s marking) Darren finally capitulated after a close 4th game . 

3-1 to the Pig ….. full marks for a Captain's innings

At the same time the walking lung that is McNeil was starting quickly against Trevor another County over 55 player and cranking up his breathing gear the Camel came through in 3-0 without too much harm done , splendid ..

I went to the bar after this but returned to watch TJ play with increasing confidence against HG’s youngest team member - who made up for rapid movement around the court with a rather inconsistent approach to hitting the ball allowing The Fox to show boat on a number of occasions when his languid movement coincided with the ball leaving him a clear 3-1 winner... close but no cigar to my Captain Kangaroo …’don’t panic we can fly on one engine ‘ Fielding who tucked the young lad up 3-0 the week before

Whilst all this was happening (and I was in the bar) The Chicken was on and off for a 3-0 win against the lanky chap I’d played the week before with the same result , Jim was obviously motivated , ruthless and on the pace - I didn’t see any of this game but am advised that it was .. spiffing ………….

Finally it was Koala '2 c*nts' Mears against Matt who’d spanked Jo’s butt last week (figuratively speaking as I think he may have been too young for her ) .You can normally tell when Mearsy is going to focus as he crouches a bit more and runs quickly – so it was in this game as he wrapped up a comprehensive win 3-0 with a variety of Karate chops and Spastic wrested volleying... entertaining

An excellent result since The Bears were only able to win 4-1 against HG and a good omen for the final matches of the season.

I was left feeling what a friendly bunch you guys are as well and not half as bad a bunch as some commentators would have you believe; even allowing me to demonstrate my City and Guilds in 'Photography'...

Koko

A 3 for the price of 1 match report January update

Dan Fernandez writes:

So Xmas is over and into 2nd half of the season:

CB1b.   9 Jan
A bit like too much Pimms, CB1b have crept up unannounced into a solid position in the league. Having strengthened with Charlie Yerrell at 2 they are good across the board. I was sunning myself in faraway shores and Nic even though stand-in capt pulled out for work commitments, so in stepped the improving Magic and ever reliable Rhino (Chris).
Paul at 1 took Phil Taylor easily 3-0; CK gave a lesson to Simon Ross 3-0; Toby and Chris despite extra coaching and training both went down 0-3. Hmmm so much for the youth policy and reliable ex-1st teamers. Down to Treadwell to secure the points against a young-gun he has been secretly training with. Tough match that went against us 2-3 and a loss.

GX  -  16 Jan
Looks like GX and Lions will be fighting for 3rd place.  I had returned with a glorious tan (not!) and Nic was back.
Paul had an enjoyable run with the roguish Trevor Loran 3-0; Mark tucked up Steve wright 3-1 but CK fell to Andy Pears 1-3 and Nic lost 1-3 to the ever-green Stuart Hefferman. So down to me but fortunately l had too much for  Michael the Geezer 3-2 win . 15-7

CB1A.  -   Jan 23
League leaders up this week who we have beaten and lost to in 2x close matches so looking forward to the finale. Unfortunately CK pulled out with bird flu and most of the 2nd team were in yoga sessions or cookery classes or making any excuse to step up a level. Thankfully Neil hardman Davies was up for it and through the snow we ventured to a very quiet CB.
Neil faced Steve, a fitness freak who had beaten Pig and just lost to Magic. Despite playing the right game he went down 1-3. Paul beat Dan Colquhorn 3-0 and Mark won v Sam Pothwecary 3-0. Unfortunately Nic was sucked in by the slow deliberate game of Paul Bolden and went down 1-3. So not for the first time DD needed to bring home the bacon. My oppo was ex county player Will Gardener who has not played for a year and 2 stone heavier BUT still has the shots. 0-9 and into 2nd l pulled ahead only to go down 7-9. Thankfully l got up a head of steam in 3rd and then Will rolled his ankle to retire in 4th. Phew. Another 3-2 win 15-8

Table Tennis and Pool evening Monday 11th February 2013

Come on down and enjoy table tennis and pool this coming Monday evening. Cost £7 per head, including nibbles. All playing equipment will be provided and a mini league for each event will be organised.

We look forward to seeing you.

WKP His Master's Voice

Men’s Choir!
Do you like singing?
Come and join us!
We will sing a lively and mixed repertoire, and will sometimes link with the
Village Voices women’s choir.
Rehearsals at the Seer Green Parish Hall on Monday evenings from 8 till 9.30pm.
First rehearsal on 25th February.
Contact Jane Smith on 01494 681948 or janesmithmusic@aol.co.uk for more details. 

Bulls v Holmer Green. Koko's Write up Pending...

The Pig writes: 

We bagged 19 points last night against a weakened Holmer Green.

A great team effort and quite a lot of fun as well. 

Matchcard attached.
Unusually, Phil Alexander will do the match report; a steep price to pay for hanging around in the bar too long, but Koko was warned.
So, that will take us to 149 points from 14 games. 

Next week, away at the RAF who have 150 points from 14 games. 

A relegation decider, possibly (although looking at the league Holmer Green are now in the mix with 1879, us and the RAF).
It would be useful if the Bears turned over the RAF tomorrow night - Trev, some gentle words of encouragement on the blog?

Trev: Not a lot that I can say Pig. The Bears are fueled by the self confidence that comes with their wealth of talent. If the RAF are similarly stacked it could be a cracker.

Meanwhile, take a look at this 'candid' from last night. It's blurry nature suggests that the evening ended in disarray... This is as focussed as The Bulls get these days. From left to right witness:

The Koala; it's been mentioned that this particular Bear has two vaginas: The Chairman is keen to remind you all that he would therefore like to be known, forthwith as 'Two C*nts', but only after the 9pm watershed.

The Fox: Trying to get The Python back into my pants...

The Pig: Looking like a Sci Fi Hobbit...

The Camel (kneeling): Hooded but happy.

The Chicken: Looking a bit like a waxwork of Gollum that's been left a little too close to the radiator.

The ears/pate/nose combo had me snorting porridge when I first viewed it...

Home Thoughts From Abroad. An Update From Mark Wyatt

Mark Wyatt has recently moved with his Mrs to Switzerland.

Charlie is flourishing Stateside whilst young James is now resident in a Surrey boarding school.

Here's the latest from the  head of that much missed clan:

James has been playing well having just moved up to the U15 age group after turning 13 years old recently. He plays at Surrey Health & Racquets Club, Croydon (which is 5 minute's drive from his school) where he has been working his way up the men's teams (mostly for the 4th V with an occasional outing for the 1st V ) and aspiring to join his hero, Pete Barker, in the Pro-Infinity Team - see attached page from the Whitgift School magazine which catapulted him into A-list Celeb status at school where he receives a 50% reduction in fees because of his squash! James recently finished 5th in the u15 Scottish Open, playing older boys from Qatar, South Africa, Argentina and Scotland. He has joined Valence Squash Club, south of Lyon, in the land of your ancestors (sorry - just picking up on Trev's poor jokes about your match reports !!) so he can play in the Regional Men's French League during the school holidays, as Swiss squash is seriously s*** !!

Charlie has been picking up his game and has been playing in the middle order for the Yale Varsity Team who beat Univ of Penn on Sunday as you will see from the following match report. They have won all of their Ivy League college matches this season apart from a narrow loss to Princeton on Saturday and are well placed to challenge for the National College title on 22/24 Feb when I am going to watch Charlie and help him with some meetings about his future career. As a result of the Yale squash team's alumni connections on Wall Street, Charlie looks like he will be offered one of only 4 jobs available this summer with UBS as an intern, although he is also pursuing marketing options with Abercrombie & Fitch; Newell; PepsiCo and Unilever (Singapore). Without being recruited as squash player by the Yale Univ athletic coach, he wouldn't have got a place.

They are both in debt to the Club for their achievements ! It is quite amazing how much they have both benefited from playing squash having received so much encouragement from the Club. It is a shame so many parents think that tennis has more to offer in terms of achieving sporting recognition and financial rewards. It may be the case at pro-level but squash opens up so many more opportunities at other levels which I didn't realise when the boys started playing.

As for me, I am having French lessons and have taken up cross-country ski-ing starting with my first lesson today at 10.30 to get fit for a fresh burst of action on the Swiss squash circuit next season where I hope everyone will be playing down at my level !! I hope to revert to normal downhill ski-ing later this week as the views from the lounge is too tempting to do any work ! 

I have left Gazza in charge of renting the house !!

A Recent Stateside Match Report

No. 4 Bulldogs Defeat No. 12 Quakers

Seniors Stay Strong at Top of Order

NEW HAVEN, Conn. – Sunday the No. 4 Yale men's squash team (9-2, 3-1 Ivy) pulled off another Ivy League win, defeating No. 12 Penn (4-8, 1-4) 6-3 in the Brady Squash Center. The match was an important win for the Bulldogs, who were looking to bounce back after a 6-3 loss to No. 1 Princeton on Saturday.
The Bulldogs used a slightly different lineup Sunday than they had against the Tigers, allowing some young talent in sophomores Joseph Roberts and Sam Shleifer to slip into the order. The top three spots, however, remained unchanged, as seniors Kenneth Chan, Hywel Robinson andRichard Dodd played and won at Nos. 1, 2 and 3, respectively. Robinson, who also won his match at No. 2 against Princeton, was 2-0 on the weekend.
The Elis also saw success in the middle of the order, where junior Neil Martin, freshman Zachary Leman and junior Charlie Wyatt won in three games at Nos. 4, 5 and 6. Finally, it was at the bottom of the lineup where the matches were most heated, with senior Sam Haig at No. 8 and Sam Shleifer at No. 9 taking their matches to four games, and Joseph Roberts forcing the full five before his match was decided. All three Bulldogs came up short, for a final score of 6-3.
The Bulldogs, now in the home stretch of their Ivy season, will next host No. 18 Brown on Wednesday at 6 p.m.

Report by Joe Giammittorio '15, Yale Sports Publicity

Bears Double-Header Report: CB Upstarts & Holmer Green

Bears skipper Captain Kangaroo (Dave Fielding) writes:

With us playing our home games on a Thursday and away ones on a Tuesday we tend to get these back-to-back matches, but I guess that means you get two reports for the price of one click on Jones’ website, which has to be a good thing. Plus the fact that since neither Dirty Dan nor Gorgeous Gareth bother writing for it any more (la la la far too posh and important for proletariat stuff like blogs don’t you know who I am? etc), what else have you got to read if not the latest Bull & Bear sagas?

Well, first up was the return of the Chesham Bois Upstarts, who are having a pretty shocking season and are in the middle of a relegation dogfight with the Bulls, 1879 and the RAF. Ian told me specifically to “mash the b******ds”, which I though was a bit ungentlemanly and most unlike him, but pressure does that to a man. Poor thing. Normally, we would have been happy to oblige but I was fielding a weakened team for once: Dave Powell was “unavailable” (business? – “no”. Skiing? – “no”. What then? – “not telling”. Hmmmmm...), Phil had torn bits of his stomach against the CB Seniors the previous week, and Lady Bear was in Leeds. And not even to watch the Mighty Whites. I mean, what other reason is there to go to Leeds, huh? Pathetic.

Still, it looked a strong enough team on paper to do the business and we could have should have. Andrew Egan made his traditional bi-monthly guest appearance for us and ground out an impressively resilient win in an bizarre game against Paul Barlington: 2/9, 9/0, 10/8, 10/8. There is a story in that if you care to work it out. He’s pure Welsh grit (or should that be a Welsh git?) and excellent value at no 4. Maintains his sparse but 100% record.

Olly Reeves was cruising at no. 2 against the hyper-fit Steve Sieff when I arrived. 2-0 up and back to his old self. He even had a match point in the 4th but disaster struck in the form of a contentious marking call by Adam. Unfortunately for all those watching, he let it get to him in the way that I let Trevor’s claptrap worm its way into my brain against the Bulls and he lost 9/1 in the 5th.

1-1 and into round 2. Richard Graham at no.5 started off like a train against Andy King who was fit as a butcher’s dog but couldn’t hit anything off the back wall. Richard can be imperious when he is relaxed and in control, but curiously tenses up with the victory line in sight. I put it down to his youthful inexperience. He did mention a painful shoulder halfway through, but if that did affect things he didn’t show nor blame it. Andy nudged it 9-7 in the 5th, a triumph of stamina over skill.

Adam was on the other court and made short work of young James Pearson, who arrived wearing a Cambridge University Squash Team hoodie but left shellshocked having got a real lesson in how to play squash, gaining only 6 points in total. I encountered him in the changing rooms shaking his head. I don’t think it consoled him much to be told that we do that often as well, but usually at Adam’s jokes.

So, down to El Capitano at no. 3 against the South African Wayne Scott. I put it down to my youthful inexperience that I clearly couldn’t handle the pressure of being 2-2 and all on me to continue the winning streak that extended back months. Personally, I blame the rest of my team for leaving me in this position. It is completely irrelevant that Wayne very unsportingly played a blinder and took me apart with some superb retrieving and tight work down the wall, which neutralized my attacking volleying game.

So, a disappointing 14-10 loss which definitely represents snatching defeat from the jaws of victory. Could easily have been a 4-1 win, but nevertheless I was confident that it was just a blip and things would be back to normal when I was back to my usual team away at Holmer Green. As described by our guest columnist this week: the maestro himself, Phil Alexander…..

………………………..

Debuting as match reporter for the first time (my opinions and ratings in italics) this season the Bears after an uncharacteristic (close) loss last week arrived at the hottest courts in Bucks unsure of the team that HG may be fielding. Our erstwhile Captain Dave, captaining arguably the strongest squad in the Division needed a win from everyone as ‘percentages’ were already being discussed in the changing rooms and the desire to stay in the top three remained strong

As it turned out we won comfortably 4-1 (17-3); however, the 100% record of our Lady Bear Smalley took a dint as she went down 3-1 at no.4 to a young spotty opponent Matt, who crashed the ball around too quickly in boiling conditions. The sauna-like temperatures didn’t let Jo settle into her normal crafty pace changing game - slightly cooler and she would have had him ………………… (2 out of 5 - looked sweaty at the end ……….)

At the same time as Jo was battling away DP was engaging at no.2 in his normal ‘thumpy thumpy’ style of play against a significantly (or it looked that way) older player Darren Thompson, who played awkward / unorthodox shots mainly to the front – slightly hiccupping in the second where he allowed his man too much time. Ultimately Dave’s relentless pace was too much and after 30 minutes he was back in the changing rooms 3-0, so one all by 8.30pm then (4 out of 5 – looked a bit sweaty at the end but not bad for once a week….. )

Next on was the author, who had missed last week due to a bit of a ‘lower gut strain’ ………. apart from a small hiccup in the 2nd he also managed to beat a tall lanky chap who fortunately made too many errors on a v hot court 3-0 (4 out of 5 - its all in the opponent selection and not too sweaty…. )

At the same time, team jester AP was thrashing young Dan for a handful of points for an easy 3-0 win and to keep his post Christmas run at 100% . The ‘Insanity’ regime must be working (4 out of 5 - only to be expected not sweaty )

Finally it was Captain Fielding’s job to bring home another 3-0 win – I didn’t see the game but Dave appears to be specialising in taking on teenage opposition, ‘intimidating ‘ them and winning. Although this game had none of the challenges he’d faced over 5 games against 13yr old Amy Jones of Chesham………… but a win is a win 3-0 (3 out of 5 – not as humorous as his Amy game -probably sweaty …..)

Overall an excellent result against highly placed opposition and quite a nice curry as well. El Capitano will doubtless be feeling happy that competition appears to be hotting up for team places but the team should now be ‘well’ safe from relegation and therefore it should be possible to manage the next few games using the full range of squad supporting players at his disposal ………………………………………………………………. (provided everyone wins that is )

Fireworks - Lions Team Match Night Wed 6th next!

Can Tom turn up the Power and lance the Boyle?

On Weds 6th Feb the Lions v Booker at home.
Paul Boyle (County no2 & England Over 40 no3) will be up against Tom Power (Bucks county no2). Last time it went to the wire: 9-7 in 5th, so expect fireworks.
Why not come on down to cheer the team along?

Watch the Six Nations Rugby at the Club

The Chairman has asked me to advertise that all Six Nations matches will be televised at the club.
Look out for SPECIAL BAR PROMOTIONS that will be in place during match time.
Historically these have included out of date Twiglets and Big Bird getting her Baps out at half time.
However, to entice you to imbibe and linger Napoleon has promised an "exciting new lager" at £2 a pop; a cheap pint from a half pint so to speak...
Should be a cracking 1st day; here are my predictions:

Sheep Shaggers v Spud Chompers (1.30 KO)
This could be one of the matches of the tournament. Ireland are always frisky away from home, with O'Driscoll keen to glory in his golden years. Later in the t'ment they host England and France so, if they get off to a good start, that home advantage could be a teller. Ireland always seem to flatter to deceive and should have won more championships. They still remain favorites to win for me.
Wales have lost seven in a row (although 4 of those results have been to Australia and by narrow margins) so they will be keen to steady the ship.
Ireland to nick a close encounter.

Saxons v Sweaty Socks (4pm KO)
Our stunning recent victory against The All Blacks has upped the ante making us tournament favorites and the target for much envious sniping. The charming Jim Telfer has even labeled us 'arrogant'. Stuart Lancaster is shaping up well as a coach and his unfussy approach seems to have removed smugness and overconfidence from the English mindset. Confidence isn't arrogance. There's always a simmering hostility in The Calcutta Cup, and a good start could endorse the suggestion that, after that historic annihilation of The Kiwis, we might be on the verge of something special. An average performance or, dare I say it, defeat would burst our bubble and see a return to the middling muddling that has befuddled our team recently.
A watershed match with England winning a physical battle by 10 points.

Meatballs v Frogs (KO 3pm Sunday)
The Italians have had the wooden spoon 9 times out of 13. The French are mercurial, brilliant or brittle. They're sure to beat the crap out of each other but, frankly, who gives a shit?
France to win a bloodbath.

Date	Fixture	Venue	Time
Round One
Sat 02 Feb	Wales v Ireland	Millennium Stadium	13:30
Sat 02Feb	England v Scotland	Twickenham	16:00
Sun 03 Feb	Italy v France	Stadio Olimpico	15:00
Round Two
Sat 09 Feb	Scotland v Italy	Murrayfield	14.30
Sat 09 Feb	France v Wales	Stade de France	17.00
Sun 10 Feb	Ireland v England	Aviva Stadium	15.00
Round Three
Sat 23Feb	Italy v Wales	Stadio Olimpico	14.30
Sat 23 Feb	England v France	Twickenham	17.00
Sun 24 Feb	Scotland v Ireland	Murrayfield	14.00
Round Four
Sat 09 Mar	Scotland v Wales	Murrayfield	14.30
Sat 09 Mar	Ireland v France	Stade de France	17.00
Sun 10 Mar	England v Italy	Twickenham	15.00
Round Five
Sat 16 Mar	Italy v Ireland	Stadio Olimpico	14.30
Sat 16 Mar	Wales v England	Millennium Stadium	17.00
Sat 16 Mar	France v Scotland	Stade de France	20.00