2 for 1: Match Reports: Lions v Chesham Bois 1 and Tring

Lions off to a shaky start
P2 W1 L1 

So another season underway in a 21 match season of battling out for the Div 1 title...

First up v CB1s:

Paul Boyle kicked off proceedings against Tim 'Zebedee' King at No1. Paul had to stay alert to ensure Tim's impressive running did not cause too many problems, winning 3-0 (in 50mins!) of all-court squash. 

CK was out hit and out run 0-3 by the accomplished Dan Colquhorn at 2. 

Similar treatment for Nic at 3 vs the fast improving Sam Pothecary. 

In the battle of players on the decline I managed to see off Paul Bolton 3-1 and game of the night Antti debuting for Lions played a blinder, beating Tom Paine in 4 very close games by keeping his head and running down the ball. 

So a tight 13-8 victory.

Tring 

This week we hosted Tring and welcomed back Mark T from his holiday to LA. Complaining (for a change) of jet lag he played a beatable Tim Delderfield but deep in a close first suffered from cramp. MT played thru the pain (unlike ex- junior players who walk off court when cramping - I'm still smarting!!) but to no avail losing 0-3. 

CK at 2 played R Carr and entertained the gallery with a long, hard 5 game thriller of contrasting styles. From 0-2 down he won 3rd 10-9 and went deep in the 5th only to lose out after a 70 mins battle. 

Nic at 3 was rejuvenated after last week and duffed up the dangerous Greg Proudfoot 3-0 in 30 mins. At 4 I was out gunned by the unorthodox and deceptive backhand of Martin Harding 1-3. 

Equal game of the night was Magic playing the wily Iain Digby at 5. The games see-sawed with Toby trading rallies his ex-body had no right to be in let only chase down and win. At 8-8 in the 5th when a decisive shot was needed, a slight hesitation and a winner from Diggers and it was all over 2-3. 
So a (1-4) 8-16 defeat.

The new catering arrangements were fully approved after lashings of Thai Green Curry. 
Just like Trev, the Basmati is so last year.

Looking at the league table of the 4x teams that have played twice all have won 1 and lost 1 - so looks like a tight season ahead

Dirty 

Bulls v Chesham Wrinklies

In place of a match report I will post this brief letter (see below) written by stand in Captain (proxy) Jim Cooper to stand out captain Ian Piggin (holiday) regarding last night's debacle.
On the back of the result we Bulls will be instigating a 'We Want Our Koko Back' campaign.
Koko was a designated Bull until nicked by Gazza's Super 2nds, who then jettisoned him, but back towards the Bears, not returning him to his obvious owners.
This leave the Bears with a top heavy 1/2 combo of Adam Pyne/Koko; whilst the best we Bulls can offer are the pitiful Pig at Number 1 & a calamitous Chicken at 2.
Hardly matches up does it?
There is talk of our Chairman joining the Bulls but, frankly, he ate all the pies.
The only glimmer of hope may be that the dim-wits who decide these things might nudge the happily resurgent Dave 'The Turtle' Powell (see, he's already been monikered) in the direction of the Bull pen; at least that would give us the semblance of a half chance and also save on me having to share my hair products with all and sundry.
Meanwhile, it was a pleasant evening with the old codgers of Chesham last night; the whiff of their testosterone (long gone) was replaced by the slight, sweet smell of smug senility...
It seems that, for the return home fixture, revenge will be a dish served cold with baked potatoes and a limp salad...
The BRING BACK BASMATI campaign will follow close on the heels of the current Koko campaign...
Here's The Chicken's purple prose:

Dear Ian

I’ve just changed into formal military attire and in front of me I have a large glass of malt and a colt 45. 
In the circumstances and following the abject performance from the Bulls last night I feel I’ll have to do the honourable thing!

Frankly it was a car wreck from start to finish. Apart from St John winning against that bloke in calipers we went down without a whimper (16:4). The old codgers could hardly believe their luck. So embarrassed were we that we found ourselves clubbing together afterwards to buy Aubrey’s latest novel!

I’ve booked a court at 7pm this Sunday. St John can’t make it and nor can Nat. If others intend coming then let me know and we can get another court. If I’m not there than you can assume the Samaritans haven’t been able to talk me out of it.

Jim

Beaconsfield Squash Club - Putting It About...

Club Captain Dan Fernandez writes:

The Fernandez, McNeil, Barker and Westall families donned their finest team shirts to promote the squash club at the Chalfont St.Giles county show on Sat 8th September. 

Facing scorching temperatures, distractions such as the 'White Helmets(!!)  - the Army motorcycle display team (what else!?!); dancing sheep and birds of prey - the team manned the Club stand comprising a mini squash practice area; free prizes of squash kit and rackets (provided by Longman Sports - thanks Andy), and new squash club posters. 
Leafletting and networking was vigorous ably helped by regular cold lager refreshments. 
We came away with much interest and a long list of prospects who are being invited to the Club Open Day this Sat 15 Sept 2-7pm 

Highlights of the day included Nigel dressing up as the squash rackets association mascot, 'Benson' and suddenly becoming a magnet for young ladies, and Dave Barker using the posters to create a sandwich-board style walking squash club advert 

                                Watch this space for the flood of new members..... 

Atko's Cautionary Tales Part 2

Another in the series from Atko; our chronicler of the sublime and the ridiculous:

This looks like another "Gold" medal opportunity...

Are you aware that a new world record has been set for the HIGH JUMP from a KNEELING position?


THE KNEELING HIGH JUMP 

This is Incredible!!!

The record set here is 0.757 meters - remember this is from a KNEELING position and was set recently on a beach near Montpellier in Southern France.
The photograph below was taken a split second before the jump – but it gives you an idea as to how it was achieved....... 

BEACONSFIELD SQUASH CLUB NEWSLETTER

Welcome to the weekly club newsletter.
Each week we will be sending you details on club events, team news, club offers and much more!

CLUB MEMBERSHIP DRIVE!
We have had a busy month encouraging new members.
The stand at the Chalfont St Giles Country Show proved very popular.  Thanks to Nigel McNeil and Dan Fernandez for organising and to Dave Barker and Tim Westall for also helping on the day.  We had much interest from adults and children alike, many children having a hit on the rebounder wall.  You may have seen coverage in the Bucks Free Press!

The Open Day was held last Saturday and several people we met at the show came down for a hit, including the winner of the free prize draw who tried out his new racket!
It was a busy day with new faces and several new memberships, so again thanks to those involved in organising.

SEPTEMBER MEMBERSHIP OFFERS
These offers are running until the end of the month. Please inform your friends, families, neighbours!
Family £399 (was £459)
Adult £250 (was £295)
Junior £50 (was £75)

CLUB USAGE
We are currently looking at ways to increase court usage at off-peak times (i.e. before 5pm).
Are there are any particular classes e.g. yoga, pilates, circuits that would interest you?

We currently have the following available:-

Racketball Fridays 11-12PM
Friday classes are now running and there are still places available. This is a great, fun class running for 6 weeks during school term time.
The cost is £30 members and £42 non-members.
Please contact Deborah Holmes on 07887 942046

Jim Carey:  Squash/Racketball coach
Jim offers individual and group coaching.
He is keen to start two new group coaching sessions (max 8 people) at 9.30 on both Wednesday and Friday mornings. He is more than happy for you to have a taster session with him beforehand.
Please contact Jim on 07710 460320 or the club for more information.

Katie Wallace: Fitness Trainer
Katie is currently running two fitness training sessions in house on Monday and Friday mornings from 9-10am.  These are held on the squash courts and are a total body work-out using equipment as appropriate.  The classes are pre-booked but places are still available. 
Please contact Katie on 07741 000600

UP COMING EVENTS
Please visit the club website www.beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk for all club events.

We now have a lively atmosphere in the bar and are keen for members to get involved in our social events.  Please let us know if there are any particular events you would love to see at the club.  We are always looking for new ideas!

QUIZ NIGHT – Saturday 29th September 7.30pm
Come join in the fun!
Teams of up to 6 people and no more!
Sign-up on the club events board.
The evening will be compared by our very own Trevor Jones and Carol & Chris Hosey have devised some challenging questions for you.
Food will also be available if we have enough take-up. We have provisionally booked chilli & rice, bread & green salad @ £7.50/head so please place your order/sign-up for this too.

JUNIOR ROLL-UP
The ever popular junior roll-up is held each Saturday from 5-7pm at the club.
Turn-up on the night £5 members and £7 non-members. 
This includes a drink and a packet of crisps! Always a favourite!
Have a drink at the bar whilst the children join in the fun.

POOL TABLE
Do you play pool?  Are you interested in a pool tournament?
We would also love to know how often and when you use the pool table.

CHANGE IN CLUB OPENING HOURS
The club will now open at 9.15am on Wednesday and Thursday mornings.
All other opening times remain the same.

YOU’RE VIEWS
We are always keen to hear your views.  Please email or take time to write your suggestions in the book situated in the club foyer.

If there is anything you would like included in the weekly newsletter, relevant to the club, please email Georgina Fernandez atsecretary@beaconsfieldsquashclub.co.uk by end of play on a Wednesday to be sure of inclusion in the next week's newsletter.

Many Thanks

Gazza Goes to Bollywood

Gazza and his lovely wife Anna (too good for him etc) are attending the venue below with some of their Yoga buddies.
He needs some like minded bodies to make up his table.
Please contact him here:
GarethA@ashingtonpage.co.uk

The World is Flat: Part 4: Departure Day

We're all busy packing for today's departure.
The weather forecast is dodgy which thankfully puts paid to WKP's madcap scheme to sail around Ireland in a day... I've been instructed to "bring travel scrabble." No problems in the competitive stakes there with two witless money makers (who do numbers but not words) and an Irishman who can't even pronounce ''potato' let alone spell it. In the 'fight for the right to skipper' stakes WKP does continue to demoralize the opposition with his propaganda: apparently Hosey is now 'Churchill'; not because of his girth and witty speeches but because... he can't say no...
"Ooooh Yes!"

Also, a revealing photo of Sturge has come to light; we always knew he hung put with the big knobs...