Bulls v Chesham Wrinklies

In place of a match report I will post this brief letter (see below) written by stand in Captain (proxy) Jim Cooper to stand out captain Ian Piggin (holiday) regarding last night's debacle.
On the back of the result we Bulls will be instigating a 'We Want Our Koko Back' campaign.
Koko was a designated Bull until nicked by Gazza's Super 2nds, who then jettisoned him, but back towards the Bears, not returning him to his obvious owners.
This leave the Bears with a top heavy 1/2 combo of Adam Pyne/Koko; whilst the best we Bulls can offer are the pitiful Pig at Number 1 & a calamitous Chicken at 2.
Hardly matches up does it?
There is talk of our Chairman joining the Bulls but, frankly, he ate all the pies.
The only glimmer of hope may be that the dim-wits who decide these things might nudge the happily resurgent Dave 'The Turtle' Powell (see, he's already been monikered) in the direction of the Bull pen; at least that would give us the semblance of a half chance and also save on me having to share my hair products with all and sundry.
Meanwhile, it was a pleasant evening with the old codgers of Chesham last night; the whiff of their testosterone (long gone) was replaced by the slight, sweet smell of smug senility...
It seems that, for the return home fixture, revenge will be a dish served cold with baked potatoes and a limp salad...
The BRING BACK BASMATI campaign will follow close on the heels of the current Koko campaign...
Here's The Chicken's purple prose:

Dear Ian

I’ve just changed into formal military attire and in front of me I have a large glass of malt and a colt 45. 
In the circumstances and following the abject performance from the Bulls last night I feel I’ll have to do the honourable thing!

Frankly it was a car wreck from start to finish. Apart from St John winning against that bloke in calipers we went down without a whimper (16:4). The old codgers could hardly believe their luck. So embarrassed were we that we found ourselves clubbing together afterwards to buy Aubrey’s latest novel!

I’ve booked a court at 7pm this Sunday. St John can’t make it and nor can Nat. If others intend coming then let me know and we can get another court. If I’m not there than you can assume the Samaritans haven’t been able to talk me out of it.

Jim