Confession of a Lucky Man

This photo contains my two favourite things...

I met one of them 26 years ago today.

Forgot to mention it this morning...

Do I:

A: Apply 'Fast Fret' and restring?

B: Have a shave and grovel?

Answers (or suggestions) below please...

Bulls v Bears

This encounter is usually a fun and feisty affair; fueled by a genuine competitive edge.
Sad to report that it was a rendered a limp dick; predictably impotent.
For the record:
The top 3 games were essentially exhibition matches; I'm sure that Adam, Dave (Powell) and Koko would have enjoyed a run out but (with respect to Ian and Jim) weren't remotely challenged by the best that The Bulls could muster:
Pig v Adam Pyne  0-3
Chicken v Dave Powell  0-3
Fox v Phil Alexander 0-3
Koala Kev and Oliver Reeves at least threatened some kind of encounter before Olly's achilles rendered him lackluster. 3-1
The Gnat, struggling with a bad back, was ill advised to play immediately after a session with Priya. She took the first game against Jo Smalley before becoming a passenger; eventually retiring. 1-3
4-17 to The Bears then...
Well done Bears!
Apologies that it wasn't more competitive.
Thanks to those who turned up.
Sorry it wasn't more of a show.
I think that The Bulls might be rotating the squad at Xmas to relieve and rebuild confidence.
Still, we had plenty of time for a pleasant little drink afterwards, dulled the pain nicely, nearly hitting £150 on the bar bill. A record of sorts I think...

Lino Laments (2)

In church I heard a lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer.
It was so sweet and sincere that I just had to share with you:

Dear Lord,
This has been a tough two or three years.
You have taken my favourite actor Patrick Swayze.
My favourite musician Michael Jackson.
My favourite Blues Singer Amy Winehouse.
My favourite actress Elizabeth Taylor.
And now my favourite singer Whitney Houston.
I just wanted you to know that my favourite politicians are:
Ed Miliband, David Cameron, George Osbourne, Nick Clegg and Ed Balls.

Xmas Party/New Years Eve

Last Saturday's Xmas party was fun, if a little under attended.
The happy few that partook (16 folk) had a fine time.
It might be an idea to fix your gaze on New Years Eve; a grand event to celebrate with your friends and family.
£30 gets you entry, nibbles and a free bar; excellent value for what is often a pricey and unfocussed night of the year.
Tickets are NOW on sale.
Kids go Free!
Disco, table tennis and pool on the night.
Get the party fixed in your diaries.
Oh, and don't forget that the 31st is also the deadline for you annual subs...

Break In B*stards

Exactly a week after WKP got his car broken into, Dave Powell suffered the same fate tonight; 7.12pm.
Same space: It's the far corner, sideways up against the wall, although the CCTV shows a hoody f*cker (sorry but no other term applies) casing everyone's motor in the car park before fixing on poor Dave.
I suggest baseball bats and zero tolerance...
Kev has just emailed this:

Beaconsfield Squash Club Ltd
News & Events

Car Break In

All

I regret to advise, that another car has been broken into in the Club car park this evening. This follows one that occurred at the same time last week.

Could I remind you all to be extra vigilant and not leave anything on display that might attract unwanted attention.

The police have been informed and we will investigate ways of upgrading the car park security.

Kevin Mears

Xmas Team Night Out: 14th December

As already communicated to some of you...

To all Team players (Racketball + Squash) and anyone else up for a night out.

Join your fellow members for a night touring the local Beaconsfield hostelries at this festive time.

Start 7.30pm at the Club for some hors d'oeuvres of Bud/Stella/Rebellion.

Then from @ 8.30 onwards an educational trip around the various Ale Houses of this famous market town, sampling their wares.

Route and venues to be confirmed.

Possible curry at the end of the evening once thirsts fully quenched.

See you there
Dan

Lions v Booker

Wednesday this week saw the Lions take on Booker.
Such is the appeal of playing for the 1st team these days that 15 players
were tapped up before 5 players could be assembled.
The excuses were a mix of the obvious (injured, work commitments, company
xmas bash etc) to the downright unbelievable ('at my rowing club lunch' -
but Kevin you are only 5'2' and don't row / 'at the county council
presenting planning applications' - but Phil the town hall assembly only
meet 9-5pm!).

Despite these set backs a decent team of Paul, Nic, Dan, Chris G and Capt
Kangaroo were confident of a good result v a weakened Booker.

Paul and Nic went on early. Paul having a good hit with Adam Edge (Tom
Power was AWOL) who dug in and tried his best but was no real match for
Paul's quality and mobility. 3-0
(Did you know Paul has won both the North and West of England O40 Masters
events this season and is in line to represent England in the Home Nations
matches - a fantastic achievement).

Nic faced a chunky lad named Simon who has the crispest left hand drive and
volley I have seen for a long while smashing nicks from everywhere. NM
battled well and came back from 2-1 down matching his oppos winners with
some fine touches of his own. At 5-5 in 5th with Simon tiring Nic pulled
ahead to match point. But some more amazing nicks later the match went away
9-10, 2-3.

Chris was playing Jo Smalleys eye candy 'Gorgeous George' and was second
best initially, then staging a comeback in 3rd with a better length and
pace, only for 4th to go away far too quickly 1-3.

Dave F played Rob Wallace at 5 a new face to me who was keen , stylish but
beatable. Dave didn't really get into the match, struggling to keep each
game score close until too far behind. A gallant effort and some good
rallies but wrong result 0-3.

I went on at 3 v Mark Brown and had an enjoyable game. Despite playing
injured and hobbling about on one leg I was able to put him under enough
pressure to force the error or create the winner. 3-1.

So a disappointing defeat 9-14.
CK and Matt back next week so come along and watch last home match of the
year @ Weds 12 Dec v Aylesbury.

Lino Laments

The first in a series of 'Cautionary Tales' from our very own 'Italian Stallion':

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at B&Q. This one caught me totally by surprise.
Over the last month I became a victim of this while out shopping. Simply going out to a DIY store has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.
Here's how it works:
Two gorgeous, uni-aged girls will come over to your car or van as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with everything almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts; it's impossible not to look!
When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead ask for a ride to McDonald's. You agree and they climb into the vehicle.
On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.
I had my wallet stolen October 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also November 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 12th, and very likely again this coming weekend.
Please pass this on to your friends so to warn them to be careful as it’s a horrible way to take advantage of older men.
Oh, by the way, Costco has wallets on sale for £2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones at the Pound Shops and bought them out of all of their stock in three of their stores.
Please send this on to all the older men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout.

Lino
P.S. I hear that the best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon.