Match Report: Bulls v Super 2nds

The Bulls rounded off their season with a cracking encounter agin the 'Super 2nds'. Some tired bodies dragged themselves to the club yesterday evening; Gazza had just completed a half marathon (albeit so slowly that he was timed with a calendar), Kevin had been injured in an off piste drinking 'incident',  I hadn't played for 3 weeks, laid low by a 'PCL', a back condition contracted from playing too much twisty turny 'old man's squash'. The Pig was still struggling with a rare strain of swine fever; the main symptom being a strange and listless affability. Coops had recently overindulged in some off piste (again) amorous alpine acrobatics which had rendered him impotent with the much feared malaise of 'dry nut'. Chrisy G was limp too, a sore foot which meant that he could "only move backwards, not forwards". Natalie was feeling a little lack-lustre after so many 5 setters; there's only so many times that even 'JC' can come back from the dead. Only the Camel was in the pink; and when the Camel is the sprightliest man in the team you know that you're up against it... and while Captain Kangaroo seems impervious to pain or improvement, only Neil walked through the front door with anything like a spring in his step. Indeed his cocky gait soon manifested itself as arrogance as he squared up to St. Pig and declared "I'm gonna do 'im". 


Me v Gazza
First up, but there was a reluctance to take to the court before the arrival of Jim. We were both lame and Coops had promised 'horse pills'. Once medicated we extended the warm up to allow the chemicals to kick in. There was tension in the air; this was our first meeting since the infamous 'Battle of the Bob'. Surely there would be no repeat of that unseemly affair with the mindful mediation of Coops.
I was two nil down before I knew it; Gazza had to do nowt but hit the front wall. Galvanised by the whisperings of the Camel (and a sharp word or two from Coops) I started to play something like... moving Gareth front and back; his legs went.
Horse pills?
If he were a horse he'd have been put out of his misery; which is essentially what happened.
3-2 Bulls


Natalie v Dave Fielding
Fielding Fielding at 5 is a no brainer; you know exactly what you'll be getting. What he lacks in talent he more than makes up for in... reach. He is very... long; gets to everything and does, to his credit, keep going. Quality will out and Nat's usual game of loopy lobs and well selected drops soon saw her 2 up. There was a bizarre moment when Captain Kangaroo hit the deck. 'My ankle, my ankle' he squealed. St. Pig was marking but threw down his clipboard and legged it downstairs to... apply ice to his his teammates opponent. Surely a fine Camel? This saintly behaviour is becoming borderline eccentric and needs to stop NOW. So, after a kiss and a cuddle with St. Pig, Dave dug in and battled well to take the match to 5 but JC's class eventually told.

3-2 Bulls


Ian v Neil Davies
This was always going to be an artless affair; the guileless pair would admit to being 'good, honest runners'. The rallies where long and lusty; both players revelling in them, but Neil moves well for a large unit; seems to get to everything, and has a certain front court craft that eventually undid the Pig who was ever so grateful to nick a game.
1-3 Super 2nds


Jim v Kev
Rumour had it that Kev was crocked. We knew better; he's a proudly competitive little urchin is Napoleon. Jim was his usual mixture of dynamic dexterity; Kev all signature drops. It was tit for tat; when, at two all and early in the final game, there was a defining moment: after taking the 4th Jim was in the ascendency when Mears hit Coops hard in the gob with the ball. An obvious accident - the ball flew off the Mears' racket as a string broke - our man returned to court with a Leslie Ash trout pout but you could sense that Jim's legs had gone. It was still a tense finale. Coops served at 8 all, his tight drop shot saw Kevin take a far from natural line to the ball, using all of his court smarts to maneuver an appeal for a stroke. The ball was tight to the wall and Mears' eccentric line of approach would have seen even WKP admiring his fishing technique but. such was his pitiful puppy dog appeal and Nat's benevolence (a feature of Bulls' marking this season) that a stroke was gifted.
Jim was crushed; Kevin blushed (or should have) and made the most of his fortune to steal the victory...
2-3 Super 2nds


Camel v Chris Gildersleve
So, as with the previous match between these two teams, it all rested on the final encounter. Nigel took the first two games with ease; his cunning flicks and lofty lobs testing Chris's injury. However, as things progressed it seemed that Chris warmed to the task as the Camel wilted. "All at sea" is always a telling remark; the Camel's defining death knell. We knew the game was up when Nigel muttered those words and assumed his 'Surrender of the Camel' pose, bending from the hip and pointing his ring in sublimation at his vanquisher.
2-3 Super 2nds


So, pipped at the post again, no shame in it though, all games (bar The Pig's) had gone to 5, honour intact. A fine curry and celebratory beer ensued; the evening's poignant conclusion came with the revelation that Nigel would be stepping down as Bulls skipper. Ian will be stepping into The Camel's hooves; he'll surely need to thicken his skin; let's hope that he can temper his pitiful piety with a bit of the Great Dictator's devilish duplicity...