You Can't Milk a Bull... Bulls v Buckingham

Last Match of the Season

Match Reports by The Match Markers:

Pig:

Fox v 'Dave' (3-0)

Seemingly without a tight hamstring or lower back pain or other obvious impediment, the Fox shuffled onto court to face a much younger and burly bloke called Dave. Dave looked like a bit of a brute. I feared Trev might be eaten alive, or possibly minced into something more mincey than at present, if that were possible. Trev surged to 4-0 up in the first. WKP muttered something to me as he walked towards the match on the other court. I couldn't tell if it was "he'll win 3-0" or "Trev really is an arse" or "can’t you mark you prat". I think it was the former. I couldn't tell. I tried my hardest just to avoid the fumes.  By this stage, Trev was starting to look up to the balcony - it was tumbleweed city on the court 3 balcony. Trev was "miffed", both at the lack of an audience and the very apparent inabilities of his opponent. Over the next 34 points Trev stroked it home to a comfortable win. Dave certainly had some shots but the big bloke certainly had difficulty getting it out of the back corners.

And with that, the Bulls had got to 209 points and were saved from relegation!!
(So, it was effectively me that saved us for demotion then eh? Trev x)

Koala:

Camel v Phil (3-0)

Up second was the Camel.
Well, he was due on court first but to his opponents surprise, after 15 minutes of warming the ball up, there was no sign of the camel. He eventually strolled to the front of the court to put down his valuables. His opponent looked somewhat relieved and then dismayed, to see the camel returning to the back of the court and leaving for another rest. The long walk from back to front to back had clearly taken its toll.
The warm up eventually commenced and all the hard work that had gone into ‘warming the ball up’ was undone by the Camel’s ‘warming down’ tactics. A new expression of 'confused' engulfed the opponent.
The match finally got underway, and the Camel followed his normal game tactics of running very little and playing increasingly perfect lob lengths and canny boasts. His opponent was up for the challenge and relentlessly chased down every ball. The first game should have gone to the oppo, but the Camel never capitulates and from nowhere came back to snatch a victory.
Games two and three followed in quick succession, and only twice did the camel expose his rear in appreciation of his opponent’s determination and the exhausting rally of 10 shots.
3/0 was a fitting end to the Camel’s season.

Camel:

Pig v Don (1-3)
The 3rd game was effectively the decider. A massive effort by both Ian and Big Don for supremacy - at one stage Ian seemed to be getting there with ease, only for Don to respond and dig in Piggin style, striking back to take it 10-9. Ian's racket broke. The 4th went Don's way.

Fox:
Rhino v Angus (3-2)
This might be the worst team game that I have ever witnessed. Wish I'd bought my Kindle.
Chris spent the first two games feeding what limited strengths 'Aberdeen' Angus had. Thereafter it took a squash genius (moi) to suggest that the Rhino try straightening things up a little and hitting the back wall occasionally. "Think of Atko with brass nobs on" I ventured. Chris received this as a revelation/Damascus moment and resumed as 'saviour'.
I would focus on the moments of quality but there wasn't one...

Rhino: 

Kev v Torden (3-2)

The Koala is often mistaken for a Bear (when in fact they are Marsupials) or cuddly toy, but behind their cute features is quite a feisty animal that when roused can defend itself amiably. Now our Koala has recently stepped up to the plate and been the sacrificial lamb playing at the top slot. He got there on merit it has to be said as the form book showed, however recent matches have seen him meeting superior opponents. Tonight that little twinkle in his eye was back as there was surely an opportunity to shine. This was the final match of the evening and with both safety and the match in the bag there was surely a chance to throw caution to the wind a give it a go. Marsupials young are born immature and then carried in the safety of a pouch, now I am unsure what was hiding under the front of Kevin's shirt but it did not hold him back as he flew out of the blocks leaving Herman caught in the headlights as the ball flashed around all 4 corners of the court. If there was a strategy then it was clear that this match was not to last too long. The second game was not quite as clinical as the 1st with Heinz beginning to read his opponents front court cuts but rarely able to do much with them 2-0. The third started well as Gerhard's error count continued and an early bath beckoned but a 7-1 lead turned into 7-7 with our little Joey losing his line and length and Torsten's confidence and shots began to rise. That game went to Saxony and the next, our little star had shone so brightly but all to briefly but wait what do we see in the 5th our little Joey reborn back to his full stature flashing the ball back to all corners Adolf retiring to his bunker to do the honourable thing. I'm looking at the evening's photo (below). Excellent; the Camel's watching TV. I (a man not a Rhino) make Koala look tall! and of course that expression is thanks to my left index finger. The Pig has Damion's eyes and a grimace that has no left him since that 4th game. The Fox is all hair and Big Bird's hand is just covering his damp spot.

I have to admit the only cool looking dude is the Chicken...