Club Championships 2013: The Results

The finals were a pretty muted affair this year.
There were no dramas, no classic encounters, just the expected performances from consistent performers:

Mens' A Final

Paul Boyle v Mark Treadwell
Treadwell was not so fresh from a testing Vet's final agin 'Not So' Manley. This was essentially 'sloppy seconds' for the ruthless Kiwi who mopped up the slops with style, panache and a complete lack of empathy for Treadwell's shortcomings...
Paul 3-0

Vintage Over 55

Phil Alexander v Nigel NcNeil

Nigel never got going. I'd like to say that it was Koko's wizardry, but it was an off day for the Camel.
He couldn't have hit the back wall with Atko's rescue club...

Phil 3-0

Vets Over 45

Mark Treadwell v Nic Manley

Although Nic rallied gamely Mark had too much in his locker.
Nic wore no underpants throughout.
We could all see in through his pocket when he removed his hanky.
Did you know he was Jewish? 

Mark 3-0

Men's A Plate Final
Chris Guildersleve v A N Other

It's worth noting that in one of the plate A semis's, Chris Guildersleve played Ian Piggin. This was a battle of the Bull's finest and worthy of the final. Chris has turned his recent poor form around and was just too energetic for an oddly lackluster Pig. The highlight of this one was the Chairman warning The Pig to keep at least one trotter in the pen whilst serving... I lost £16 on this one... controversially £5 of that went to the marker...
Chris 3-0

I write about the semis because the final was, frankly, a non event. A vapid Welshman with a pink rinse wandered around the court in search of something resembling talent. It would have been easy to miss him but, he was there; I assure you. We only know his name because of one amorous admirer, dressed from the waist down as a black inflatable sex doll, who kept shrieking 'come on Andrew, purleeease'. 
This is surely the first time a championship final has been won without the playing of one successful drop shot. A non event but... well played Rhino.
Chris 3-0

Ladies' Final/Mens' 'B' Plate Final

Jo Smalley v Heather Joy

I'm unsure how they resolved this. The girls found themselves in two finals; the initial plan was to play the two separate finals but the 1st match was such a drainer that, at that point, if they could have given a toss, I doubt they did anything other than toss a coin.

This was the best final by a long shot. Jo initially dominated with her canny chops and devilish drops, taking the first two games, but heavenly Heather's more conventional game gradually brought her into the frame as she started to read Jo's intentions. Heather took a tight 3rd, then the 4th, before a resurgent Jo found a second wind (probably a slug of Pinot) and closed the fifth in style.
Jo 3-2


Finally: A word from the Chairman:

Congratulations to Dan 'Marmite' Fernandez for the last 3 years as Club Captain and for organising another successful championship. 
I think we'd all like to thank him for spreading himself so thinly..
He can be seen here in happier times goosing (or more likely pickpocketing) some aged French pensioner...

Onwards and upwards: best of luck to the new Club Captain Gareth Ashington and to the various team captains for a fun and competitive season.