Changes had been made. Lonesome Wrinkly (Atko) was dropped for... well, not being able to drop. In his place we had man mountain Andy Wright and the dynamic Chris Parker.
The courts were hot; the rallies would be abundant. The sweltering heat would sort the men from the boys...
First on was Chris; Lonesome Quixote was up against Beaconsfield's very own ranting windmill, Richard Monson. Rich's reach is awesome, he's a tricky oppo; there's no part of the court that he can't block off and our sprightly boy had his work cut out dancing around the muttering Monson. Too much quality pressure from The Don forced too many errors from Richard who succumbed with a guttural grunt...
3-0
Rating: Quixote becalms The Windmill's sails
Next up was the main event. Squash is not a blood sport but I think that most in the packed gallery were hoping for a repeat of last week's histrionics. The nameless estate agent was notable by his absence last night but his presence permeated the rafters every time the score was called. Lonesome Fox (yup, me) was an innocent bystander in last week's meltdown, but talk was that there was always a ruck when this calamitous catalyst (me) is about. Last night he (me) took on nemesis, Chairman Mears. Although his record agin me (me) is not good, Napoleon always reckons that he wins the important ones. Important? Impotent more like it last night. The Dude was firing duds, even his signature stop drops were gutter bound. Too many errors from a strangely lack-lustre Kevin saw moi (me) bringing home the lonesome bacon with a fairly routine victory. Rumour has it that Mears was knackered from changing too many (14) club light bulbs, but that ain't right; we all know how the little dictator changes a light bulb: he just holds it aloft and the world spins around him...3-0
Rating: Napoleon Blown Apart
Next up was Lonesome Hulk. Andy Wright was making his summer team debut and whilst not exactly filling notable boots (Atko's) the pressure was on for him to make his mark. Brutal strength and focussed application saw off a spirited (but brief) resistance from Stephen Webster.3-1
Rating: Lean, Mean, Green and erm... Better than Atko...
Our skipper and number one; Lonesome Pyne was up next. The other team's flagship was more dreadnaught than battleship; moribund Neil Davies, powerful, functional but essentially a talent free zone. This week 'The Fridge' (aka 'Smeg') confused us all by ditching the whites; sporting a red top that gave him the resemblance to a telephone box. Adam was a mobile phone in comparison to the lumbering phone booth. Every shot in Neil's book (more a pamphlet) was indifferently matched by our balletic brave heart; ably assisted by some spectacularly one eyed marking from Lonesome Fox (me); Lonesome Pyne even wantonly scraped up a spectacular double bounce; the coup de grace to an already demoralised Davies. Enough messing; Adam eventually pulled the plug and defrosted 'The Fridge' (aka 'Smeg') with the sweltering heat of his abundant talents...3-0
Rating: Adam the Iceman Cometh; Smeg Shows Lack of Spunk
And so to the post match pint; another happy hour at the bar where the talk was of WKP's seafaring sex life (essentially 'self love') and the revelation that our other salty sea dog, boat buying pugwash, Chris Hosey is allergic to... fish.Although he has our sympathies it's really hard to kipper straight face...
Oh, and Chris Gildersleve made an appearance dressed as a 70's pimp.
The highlight of his outrageous (viscose dominated) outfit was a magnificent white belt that Engelbert Humpersheep will be borrowing this weekend for the Eurovisions.
Come on Norway.
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