Two for One – Bears Bounce Back
Two matches in a week………. and for the first time I’ve been able to pick the same team two weeks on the trot and probably our strongest team yet to boot, namely Adam Pyne, Dave Powell, Phil Alexander, Jo Smalley and myself. The difference is amazing: two 5-0 wins which propels us way up the table and into a very comfortable place. The same team and same result next week could see us challenge even higher. First up last week was Chesham Bois Juniors, but I had another commitment in the first part of the evening so arrived late. Accordingly, please welcome our guest columnist Lady Bear, and before you read her report remember that she is a PR Spin Doctor for a national utility provider. Just for your information, you understand.
1) Chesham Bois Juniors – home (won 19-8)
The Bears had a new order, and Lady Bear had been given strict instructions to win, as to quote Captain Bear ‘Quite a few eyebrows were raised when I ranked you above me’. Well. I hope Chesham Juniors were ready as I unleashed the fury.
So I was on court first (at number 4. Eyebrows were being raised) against Pete Stevenson, a man who could only be described as ‘keen’. He actually arrived 20 minutes before the match started (unheard of!) and was chomping at the bit to get on court at 7.40. I was slightly worried that we might actually be finished by the time the rest of my team showed up. And judging by my performance in the 1st, this was a very real possibility. I was terrible. The pressure was clearly too much. All those eyebrows were justified. How would I ever show my face again. So I went into ‘grind it out’ mentality. It wasn’t clever, it wasn’t pretty, but I won 3-2. Only to be told by our ever-supportive number one, Adam, that I played terrible squash. But hey, I still won at 4! *blows raspberry*.
Whilst I was grinding out my hour long victory, Dave Powell was triumphant at two against the ever confusing Tom the Elder, who can create shots out of nothing. Apparently, Dave managed to nullify this approach and ran out 3-2 winner.
Adam followed me on court at 1, and proceeded to give Tom the Younger a lesson in tight, mobile squash. A wee bit of ‘d1cking about’™ and show-boating did occur (and quite a lot of chat, both directed at himself and the crowd), but true class showed through and Adam was an easy 3-0 victor. The Bears go 3-0 up!!
Next on court was the wizard himself, Phil ‘Koko’ Alexander at 3. After last week’s performance when he never really got going, he seemed determined to make amends and went on to stun his opponent, the ever so tall, and completely ankle-less Andy Piper, with the famous top spin drop. There were shots that even made the balcony go the wrong way. It was completely frustrating, and it worked. An element of panic from the crowd at 2-2, but Koko was determined – 3-2!! 4-0 to the bears!
So last on was our illustrious captain, who came up against the teeny-tiny and ever so talented Amy Jones. This is the girl who at 11 won a match at a senior county competition. She is proper good. And approximately a quarter of the weight and height of Captain Bear. It was most definitely a case of little and large. And in the knock up, the class was definitely coming from Amy’s side of the court. However, Captain Bear had other ideas and won the first 9-0. The big bully. However, the tables were soon turned. True class will out, and Amy stunned Captain with her retrieving and fantastic length. He was all at sea. Dave Powell was marking, and trying to drum up as many people as possible to come and watch the capitulation of our distinguished leader. However, Captain Bear realised that he would never, ever, ever live down a beating by a 13 year old girl, and pulled out all the stops to run out a not-very convincing 3-2 victor. However, he did very nearly get beaten by a 13 year old girl (did I mention that she was 13, and a girl, and she nearly won?).
5-0 to the Bears! Get in!!! I see a reversal of our fortunes ahead.
2) Booker 2 – away (won 19-7)
I was hoping that they’d all forgotten about Amy when we pitched up at Booker, but fat chance. The topic of conversation rarely strayed from 13 yr old girls all evening. Though not in the Jimmy Savile way, you appreciate. I believe it’s called ‘cameraderie’?
Booker are strong and riding high in the division, having won it last year but declined to go up. A good decision too, as they were suffering from a couple of injuries and absences with neither Mark nor George playing. We, on the other hand, were at full power. Adam carried on his showboating / ranting display from last week, though to qualify as a true Lazy Git genius he has to get the balance right and stop losing the odd game through playing squash - technically speaking - like a knob. 3-1
First up on the other court was Phil Alexander, who is turning the slow start into an art form. Up against fellow vintage Temple team member Dave Dunbar (who is ranked above Phil so maybe a point to prove?), Phil spent the first game looking for his glasses. It’s either clever reverse psychology or he should park the car a mile from the club and run the last bit in just to crank the old body into life sooner. Either way, he found his touch in the second game and never looked back, the topspin drop once more particularly lethal. 3-1
Round 2 saw Jo out to stick two fingers up at the squash world again, this time against Duncan Swallow who had beaten her last year. Opposite to last week: storming start (Booker members on the balcony observing that “she’s really good”, which you just know was a preamble to ripping large amounts of piss out of a fellow member for being beaten by a girl), then rubbish for two games, before digging in and cutting and dropping an exhausted Duncan into submission. 3-2
Dave Powell was next door, in what turned out to be the best quality match of the evening. It was a real contrast of styles, with DP all flashes of utter brilliance and sheer brutality up against Matt Allanson, who played very simple, straightforward squash absolutely superbly. The minute DP put anything loose, Matt dispatched it with a clinical lack of fuss. At times, the backhand drop corner was like a ritualistic sacrifice area, with DP put to the sword by a guy who looked like a slightly slimmer version of the main character of ‘Family Guy’. In the end, DP’s sledgehammer was just too powerful and he prevailed 3-2.
So by now the match was in the bag which you would have thought took the pressure off me, but there is still the small matter of not being the only one to lose. At least this week I didn’t have the extra pressure of having to retire from the club in shame if I didn’t win . I was up against Tim Bark-Jones, a tall thin young (though not quite as young as Amy) lad who didn’t stop running. Luckily for me, he didn’t know what to do with the ball once he got to it, and ended up putting it in the tin lots of times. I wasn’t complaining, though I was in the third having eased off at 2-0 up and paid the penalty. It was hot and bouncy, and the bugger just kept running. Hurrah for a second wind, however, and I got my T-act together in the 4th and bullied a length which Tim couldn’t cope with. A convincing 9-5 made it 3-1, and can I just point out that the final set against Amy was 9-4? Just saying...
All good stuff, and to dispose of the team second in the league 5-0 was no mean achievement. The Bears are back, and if we can keep this core of a team for the next few matches at least, all will be well in our garden. Told you it would come right. Just as well the Club Captain isn’t a Russian billionaire, otherwise I’d have been sacked by now.
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