Bulls, Bears, Lions and Super 2nds Results (2/11/11)

The Bulls visited Chesham Bois in search of their first victory. We were met by their 'Juniors'; a motley mixture of kindergarden and 'hairy arse'.
Things didn't go well from the off:


Nigel 'The Camel' McNeil played a youngster who was just too steady. Our skipper did well to steal a game before the inevitable "all at sea" mantra was first muttered at the end of the 2nd game, invariably the camel's death rattle...
Loss (1-3)


Young Seb Monson stepped up to the plate and did well to sneak the first game against a more experienced opponent who was having trouble reading Seb's lanky lugubriousness. The boy lost a bit of discipline as he tired and when his shorts split from belly button to b*llocks he had trouble holding it together (though we all admired his 'I love my Mum' boxers).
Seb can be well proud of his senior debut.
Loss (2-3)


Veteran St. John Dyson was also making his Bulls debut for the season and rolled back the years in the first two games; delighting the crowd with his dextrous flicks and elegant indifference. Midway through the 3rd the panic on Sturge's face was palpable; his legs had gone (they do have to support those buttocks) and his young oppo' 'Cam' was getting stronger. The end was nigh and St. John was nigh on knackered... it's good to have him back though.
Loss (2-3)


I (me, myself, Trev) was up next against 'Tiny Tim'. I've got to say that I seem to be rediscovering my mojo of late; it may well just be the swan song of one in death throes but my first two games were great fun; I frolicked like a spring lamb and bewildered Tim, making mutton out of my lanky litigant. I lost focus in the 3rd but rallied to take the 4th with elan.
Win (3-1)


'Best for last' as they say and Jim Cooper took on Chesham's skipper Tom in a humdinger. Both players like to volley and both did so brilliantly; it was a battle royal to see who could dominate the front of the court. Jim knew that he had to keep Tim behind him and drove and lobbed with great skill and intelligence. The rallies took their toll on both players, but the quality remained high; tit for tat, blow by blow they found themselves tied at 2-2. Tom took a lead in the 5th; Jim clawed it back but just didn't have quite enough in his arsenal. 'Coops' has definitely taken his game to a new level adding fuel to the rumour that he is the new 'Ken Groundcourt'. The 'Most Improved Player of the Year' award surely...


Already there are whispers of demotion; next week we play Holmer Green 3 at home; duffers v duffers in a 'must win' match.

Start time is 7.30pm

The Super 2nd's will also be at home to our last Wednesdays opponents CB Juniors, so it should be good evening for all concerned on court and in the gallery.

The Bulls team next Tuesday will be:

Nige

Ian

Jim

Trev

Natalie

Regarding the Bears v Super 2nds match last Tuesday, the following florid match report was submitted by Napoleon:

Chris v Toby 1-3
Phil v Olly  3-1
Neil v Andy  3-0
Kev v Dave  3-0
Gareth v John  3-0

That'll be 13-4 (17-4) to the seconds then...

The Lions took on Gerrards 'Very' Cross on Wednesday.

This just in from 'Dirty' Dan Fernandez:

Lost 0-5 to GX. Tight match despite score 7-19.
Mark went 0-2 down v Trevor Loran. Got back to 2-2, went 7-2 up but lost it 8-10.
Matt lost 0-3 to Andy Pears despite close 1st.
Nick played well but lost 2-3 to bloke from Uxbridge, Steve Wright.
I played Pete the golfer and had a 70min thriller. Despite leading 2-1, ran out of gas, 2-3. 
Chris lost to Hefferman 1-3. Got the ball nice and hot, close rallies but SH had too many shots.
What was 0-5, could have been 3-2. Lack of fitness the determining factor.

Bears come over 'cute'

You know how sometimes something just tickles you and you want to share it with your mates?
Just goes to prove that there are some cute and wholesome 'Bears' in the world...

Squash Drills with Jonathan Power 1

Jonathan Power is a legend.
Who better to take tips from?
This will be the first of a few of these that I post and will always be followed by a little bit of his madness.
As I keep telling my disgruntled opponents; genius is close to insanity...
Squash Drills with Jonathan Power 1:

And You Think I'm a Bad Marker?

This amazing rally ends with a farcical decision that even I would be ashamed of:

From the Ridiculous to the Sublime

After the nonsense of the previous post it's nice to see some awesome squash.
First up is White v Gaultier from a while back; one of the finest rallies ever, followed by the great Jonathan Power (I miss him) performing a trick shot that must be the squash equivalent of a 'hole in one':

Silly Pilley: Taking a Squash Ball Hit at 175mph

Strewth! Cameron Pilley, current world record holder for hardest squash ball ever hit (175mph), lines up his dopey brother Morgan against the front wall for a free shot. 
Morgan doesn't seem the sharpest tool in the woodshed and kind of deserves what's coming... at 175mph.
Next time WKP jams one up your jaxy be grateful it's not 'Silly Pilley'...

.

Lions tame Chesham Bois (26/10/11)

On Wednesday evening the first team took on the mighty Chesham Bois 2.

CB2 are the current league donkeys with a negative result average of 3-19.

Defeat was unthinkable.

Nobody told ‘Not So' Manley...

Results:

Mark Treadwell v Owen Riddle (3-0)

Routine for Treaders who did his usual no frills demolition job on the youngster; he bullied the T dropping only 7 points.

CK Foo v Simon Ross (3-1)

The usual mixture of inspiration and indifference from the mighty Foo…

Nic ‘not so’ Manley v Dan Glen (2-3)

Anyone want to buy a racket?

‘Dirty’ Dan Fernandez v Peter East (3-1)

Dan (according to Dan) was brilliant.

Toby ‘Magic’ Johnson v Tim Paul (3-0)

Toby (according to Dan) was brilliant too. This was ‘Magic’s’ debut for the Lions and he impressed, winning 9-1/9-7/9-1.

Next week's 1^st team match is against is against their nemesis; Gerrards ‘very’ Cross on November 2.

They’ll next be gracing the home courts on November 9^th against their other archrivals Homer Green when club number 1 Paul Boyle will be playing.

Come roar the Lions on…

Squash and Racketball Evening

On Friday 14th October the club hosted an evening of exhibition squash and racketball.
First up we had a butcher's feast served up by Tim Vail and Tom Phipps in the 'Racketball Challenge'.
'Tiny' Tim is the National Racketball champion, ranked No2 in England.
There are not many Premier League squash players who can eat 12 pork pies in a minute; 'Tiny' dominates the 'T' see convincingly that it takes an A to Z and a compass to get around him. That was the challenge for Aylesbury's pin up Tom, who is the Bucks Racketball champion and ranked nationally at No5.
The rallies were long, languorous and spectacular; the packed galleries in awe of both players' flexibility, dexterity and creativity.
Tim tonked Tom eventually after much grand spectacle; they danced spectacularly. Excellent box office gents. Well done.
The next offering was more traditional fayre though not exactly meat and potatoes; the 'Squash Challenge':
Clive Ewins (British over 35 national runner up/World over 35 semi finalist/Ex world top 80 ranked) took on the club's No1 and current champion Paul Boyle (Kiwi Terrier).
We expected the haka from the All Black; got nowt but a hacking cough.
He might have been poorly but he hammered poor Clive with a ruthless virtuoso display. No mercy...

After the games the members made for the bar to enjoy the late bar extension and to dip their bread in the evening's culinary offerings: Chicken and Porcini Casserole & Beef in Red Wine Ragu with Star Anise, served up by The Camel's squeeze, Pam McNeil and 'Chef de Club', Trevor Jones.
Pam waved her ladle a little too generously at first; those 'Irish Portions' gradually declining to 'Kiddy Meal' proportions as it became apparent that the natives were rampantly ravenous. Where does Howard put it?
Oh, and club captain (and current club racketball champion) 'Dirty' Dan Fernandez (right) made a speech that no-one really listened to; I'll try and post a transcript here to reveal if anything of note was said...
Have a look below to some images of the evening captured by the unofficial club photographer, lovely Di Holmes (http://www.diholmesphotography.co.uk).
If you scroll to the bottom you can marvel at the size of Trev's ladel...