Lions: A Season Reasoned: Mark Treadwell

A few words from the Lions' Captain:-

Despite a challenging season with respect to team selection (or lack of!) the Lions performed admirably & finished 2nd in the County League. Thank you to my regulars who revolved their life around matches: Nic, who started playing again while still a cripple; CK who would have played with a cast on; Toby who played despite needing to be in bed by 9pm; Simon, who would have played while on his honeymoon if he could have got away with it; Paul, an irregular regular; & the myriad of keen reserves who helped me out.

Mark T

Lions v Holmer Green - 6 March

Dan Fernandez writes:

A rousing end to the league campaign as the Lions grew in stature over the course of the season to bring home the bacon and finish up in 2nd place with a resounding win over Holmer Green.
Chesham Bois 1A won the league convincingly by 70 or so points, however, interestingly we beat them twice out of our 3 matches and were victorious on all 3 occasions v 3rd place Holmer Green.
So a bit like Spurs we performed well against the top tier but let ourselves down v some of the weaker opposition. If only we were more consistent it could have been a different story….
On to the match itself:
The pre-publicity machine of the Club Newsletter and Club email to members drew a decent crowd of spectators who witnessed a couple of close, entertaining matches followed by a couple of old duffers (me and Nic) romping home afterwards.
Holmer Green catching the GX trend only turned up with 4x players. Unlike last week when we had Napoleon on stand-by, this time Gareth was up for the challenge who whilst disappointed to not be playing topped-up his (beer) belly with beer as he viewed from the balcony.

Paul, back from a strained back whilst campaigning in the Nationals had a closer game than usual v Bucks County no5 Alex Hartley. Both players are incredibly mobile, very fit, and play a simple game with little mistakes. Paul however, always had the edge and controlled the key points to win 3-1.

Mark played James Harley at 2 who is half Mark’s age (25 v 50). Mark was below par claiming symptoms of man-flu and worried about his form as he hadn’t played for a WHOLE 3 days before this match. This was clearly visible as he lost the first two games in 5 mins. Then with CK offering to go on court with his crutches (and be faster around the court) Mark picked himself up went to work winning 3rd and 4th. The 5th was tough. James wanted to claim a notable scalp and Mark was resisting. The first few points were fierce with JH running around in circles chasing MTs shots. The ball kept coming back though and Mark capitulated 2-3.

Nic had a tricky match v Ben S who is 17 and fairly huge but strangely doesn’t whack the ball but regularly tries risky drops from back of the court. When they work he racks up the points but if you keep him moving and under pressure he is not such a force. Apart from a streak in 2nd Nic was on top and won 3-1.

I played Mark ‘Ironman’ Mellett who is like Gildersleeve on an ecstacy-acid combo. Virtually no shots but legs the size of tree trunks, he chases everything down like a hungry dog and quite flicky on the b/hand. I decided pace was the answer and whilst my fitness lasted I out-hit the runner, pinning him to the back and then feathering in a little drop. Three games was all I needed thankfully as I was lagging just as he was getting into his stride. 3-0

So with a forfeited 5th string we won 18-5 and 2nd place was ours.

Thanks to all the players who have represented the Lions this season, our sponsors - Carphone Warehouse for the team shirts, and the spectators who have cheered us on – it does make a difference.

Plans are afoot to enter a team or two in the Berks Summer squash league so let me know if you are interested in playing

Dan

Lions v Gerrards (Very) Cross

Dan Fernandez writes:

Taking heed of Tres Vain's note re: my punctuality of match reports herewith a summary of THIS WEEK'S Lions match V EverSo

It was clearly end of season blues at GX as I received a note from their skipper Heff early in the week stating they were only able to field 4x players for the match.
As I had already lined up the flying Finn (Antti) and the little terrier (Mears) at 4 & 5 – I suggested whoever performed the better in the Bulls v 2nds fixture the night before would be in at the top table.
As Mears offered one of the worst team performances of the season v Magic (who expanded more energy getting changed than during the match), Antti was in.

With Paul still out with a back strain (welcome to the O40s) & CK having the snip we were down to Mark, Nic, Me and the aforementioned guest

Mark was up at 1 v Trevor Loran and a very entertaining game unfolded. Mark went 2-0 up striking the ball early, returning every shot hard, low and cross-court so stretching and twisting his taller oppo. However, Trevor fought back upping the pace himself and Mark under pressure started floating it around losing his rhythm and standing a yard back. Soon 2-2. Despite knowing what he had to do MT ran out of gas in 5th. 2-3

At 2 Nic played Andy Pears whose squash looks s**t, kit looks s**t but is a nice bloke. Nic’s shots were s**t and in a s**t match he lost quickly 0-3.

At 3 I took on the Heff who beat me in Oct when I had man-flu. I was looking forward to the re-match and summarily despatched him 3-0 for 8 pts. He was clearly under the weather but a win is a win is a win.

At 4 Antti played Michael Jacobs who turned up in a 62 reg £110k Porsche Cabriolet. Despite having all the gear he had no idea, with AV winning through 3-1 (losing 2nd in a slug fest)

Thankfully at 5 we had a walkover as on current form Kev would have lost whoever he was playing (even if up against Big Loll playing with a frying pan).

So 15-7 win which takes us to 2nd place in table

On Weds March 6th we take on 3rd placed Homer Green in LAST HOME MATCH OF THE SEASON.

Whoever wins will take 2nd place in league.

Paul will be back.

CK will be there (on crutches post knee op)

…So come on down

Dirty

Another Clutch of Tardy Lions' Match Reports

3 more match reports from the Lions covering Feb matches.

Written by Dan Fernandez:

V Booker

Despite lurking at the bottom of the table Booker (league champs 2x years ago) can bring in any number of quality players from around the home counties. Unfortunately for them this was not the case with the exception of Tom ‘the power’ Power at no1. All the other matches merged into the weeds as Tom and our Paul engaged in a match royale. The balcony was pretty full due to the extensive pre-publicity (club email out the night before) and a great contest unfolded. Tom, 15years younger started well hitting hard and covering the court at high speed 1-0. Paul took hold of the 2nd slowing the rallies down and controlling the pace with great length and court craft making Tom reach for every shot 1-1. The third continued in the same vein and there appeared only one winner. Tom having previously played most of the ‘old’ Lions always seemed to have loads of time and played a tight game but in the extremes of battle his game was too loose and Paul was comfortable 2-1. In the 4th mistakes crept in, Tom now wounded, hounded his oppo and forced the 5th 2-2. Paul stepped up a gear moving Tom into the corners and playing some fine drops took it 3-2.
I can’t remember much about the other games. I won v Duncan at 5. Nic beat Rob Wallace at 4. CK struggling with his knee surprisingly lost to gorgeous George at 3. Mark won easily against a tubby leftie. Result 4-1 Lions

V Aylesbury

Another team in the lower mid-order we have performed poorly against and with Paul up north for National Masters championships we were weak at 1 but welcomed Adam Pyne debuting at 3. Mark had an enjoyable run against Tom Phipps taking a game and very nearly the 4th against the county no1, 1-3. Nic played Ian McGowan at 2 who has improved in recent months and played well to go close in first two games although each went against and 3rd went away too quickly 0-3. At 3 Adam was likely to have a v.hard match v Sam Hales who looks like he should be playing at no2 going forward. Adam rallied well against a younger oppo who was very quick and made no mistakes. Both playing a similar style hard length game and on a hot court it was nip n tuck but Adam not used to this level of play just missed out in both to go down 0-2. In 3rd Adam was struggling with a pulled knee and had to withdraw mid-way through – welcome to Div1!! At 4 I won against Simon Townsend who has come back from injury 3-0. At 5 Ian ‘pig’ Piggin played Dave Herron and in a pacey loose game with big forehands cracking the ball around the court played well wearing DH down to win 3-2. So a 7-15 defeat but we did have homemade pheasant curry to make up for it!

V CB 1B

Without Paul, having injured his back getting to semi-finals of National O40s (cap suitable doffed in respect), we were up against our banana skin team CB1B. So far v the weakest team we are 0-2 down for the season albeit they have strengthened with Charlie Yerrell now at 2. However, with home advantage the Lions pulled up their socks and pulled off a comfortable 4-1 victory. In CKs last match before his hair transplant (sorry I mean knee op) he played Charlie at 2 and was up against it in an oppo 1/3 of his age and twice his size. Despite a close 3rd he went down 0-3. Mark at 1 played an unfit Phil Taylor fresh from darts training and played an error strewn game but did well to close it out 3-0. Nic played Rob Parry at 3 who I’ve never seen before and seemed a bit lightweight for that level. Despite this Nic did his usual, winning 1st easily, losing a tight 2nd and then it was anyone’s match, however Nic’s new fitness programme kicked in and he was a comfortable 3-1 winner. At 5 the Pig played up again (he has lofty ambitions) and won (again) against a (very) large Tim Paul. Ian was too fast and too fit for his oppo and won well 3-1 (he has a better record for Lions 2-1 than Bulls – work that one out?!?). I then took on Neil Hinds, a gentlemen of the game and still a quality senior player who was hoping for a rise up the county O45 ranking by getting the better of me. Unfortunately for him I was on decent form for once and by keeping the pace up in a close first two games did the damage to his fitness and won 3-1. In honour of CK last match (what will he do with himself for the next 8 wks?) we had a Basmati curry for dinner to cap off a fine 16-6 win.

Next home match 6 March. Last Lions match of the season v Holmer Green. We lie 3rd and HG are 2nd and with points close its likely the winner will get 2nd place in the league.
Come on down to watch the action.

Thanks,
Dan

Lions v Booker

Wednesday this week saw the Lions take on Booker.
Such is the appeal of playing for the 1st team these days that 15 players
were tapped up before 5 players could be assembled.
The excuses were a mix of the obvious (injured, work commitments, company
xmas bash etc) to the downright unbelievable ('at my rowing club lunch' -
but Kevin you are only 5'2' and don't row / 'at the county council
presenting planning applications' - but Phil the town hall assembly only
meet 9-5pm!).

Despite these set backs a decent team of Paul, Nic, Dan, Chris G and Capt
Kangaroo were confident of a good result v a weakened Booker.

Paul and Nic went on early. Paul having a good hit with Adam Edge (Tom
Power was AWOL) who dug in and tried his best but was no real match for
Paul's quality and mobility. 3-0
(Did you know Paul has won both the North and West of England O40 Masters
events this season and is in line to represent England in the Home Nations
matches - a fantastic achievement).

Nic faced a chunky lad named Simon who has the crispest left hand drive and
volley I have seen for a long while smashing nicks from everywhere. NM
battled well and came back from 2-1 down matching his oppos winners with
some fine touches of his own. At 5-5 in 5th with Simon tiring Nic pulled
ahead to match point. But some more amazing nicks later the match went away
9-10, 2-3.

Chris was playing Jo Smalleys eye candy 'Gorgeous George' and was second
best initially, then staging a comeback in 3rd with a better length and
pace, only for 4th to go away far too quickly 1-3.

Dave F played Rob Wallace at 5 a new face to me who was keen , stylish but
beatable. Dave didn't really get into the match, struggling to keep each
game score close until too far behind. A gallant effort and some good
rallies but wrong result 0-3.

I went on at 3 v Mark Brown and had an enjoyable game. Despite playing
injured and hobbling about on one leg I was able to put him under enough
pressure to force the error or create the winner. 3-1.

So a disappointing defeat 9-14.
CK and Matt back next week so come along and watch last home match of the
year @ Weds 12 Dec v Aylesbury.

Lions v Holmer Green (Lion Fashion Advice and mini match report from DF)

After a break for reflection over half term a rejuvenated Lions faced Holmer Green last night.
We were very turquoise in our snazzy new shirts and they were very green (appropriately) in theirs. 

Nic tried out a racy combo wearing his with red shorts which didnt work, l wore white which was ok but the general consensus was black or dark blue shorts waa the way to go. 

Teams please note!
Fashion advice over and onto the match which proved an easy victory.
Paul bt Alex Hartley comfortably 3-0.

Mark was back to form beating Tor 3-1.

CK was in control v James Harley 'til pulling a muscle (again) in 3rd and retiring 2-3. 

Nic saw off Chris Blakey 3-1 and l was too hot for Ben Sheldon 3-0.
So, an 18-5 victory moving us back up to 2nd place in league.
We play them again next week in the away fixture, then next home match is 21 Nov v league leaders Chesham Bois.
Be good to get a few more faces on the balcony cheering the teams along.

Hot Off the Press - unfortunately Tring have had to pull out the league with a lack of available players. The good news is that wipes the slate clean in our loss column and as we stand we are P1 W1. It also supports the Beaconsfield 'strength in depth' squad policy and the importance of playing a consistent team across the season which will pay dividends in March.

Lions v Booker
The sparse balcony were spoilt by a superb 85min contest between Bucks no2 and 3 Tom Power and Paul Boyle. Even Lino found his way off his bar stool to gasp at the quality of shot and retrieving. At 0-6 in 1st Paul looked out of sorts but that Kiwi spirit took hold and he pulled back to 6-6 forcing Tom out of position and playing the short winner. Tom pushed to 8-6 and with the clock at 30mins we knew this game was crucial. Paul found a third wind and won 10-8 after 40mins. Phew.
Meanwhile Nic was in full control of the flamboyant but fragile Andy Walters winning for a handful of points.
Mark then took on the unshaven hill-billy lookalike, double back hander, Harry Carr. MT played well but was out paced and out hit in 3. As they say a good young-un will always beat a good old-un. (Btw did you know old ginger-p***s is now 50). Too sprightly by half for a man of his senior years.
Paul and Tom's battle was continuing at the same high pace and the match see-sawed to 7-5 to Paul in 5th. Unfortunately this was as far as he could go, going down 7-9 in one of the best matches l've seen at the club.
CK took on Adam Edge, a dangerous quality player 20 years younger than our Zen-master. CK controlled the match on a warm court with his cuts, flicks, lobs, drops and volleys moving Adam from corner to corner. A close match ensued of contrasting styles but CK had enough in reserve to close out 5th 9-2.
At no5 l managed to see off Chris Popham 3-0 who was marginally less mobile and committed than l.
So a good win 3-2, 15-8
-----------------------------------------------------

Lions v Aylesbury
Paul got suckered into picking CK up from his new house somewhere near Bracknell and detoured around most of the M40. Not ideal prep for a match v Tom Phipps, Bucks no1. Whereas Tom Power and Paul play a similar style, Phipps explosive power and shot making needs controlling, so a game of contrasting styles entertained the crowd. Paul floating about whilst trying to create an opening and Tom trying to smack it in the nick at every opportunity. Not the classic match of the week before. Too many mistakes and some clumsy points (its all relative though!) and a slightly heavier than expected Tom prevailed 3-1.

At 2 Tredders played the feisty southern outpost of the tartan army Ian McGowan. Mark should have no problem we  thought but no such luck. Ian picked up all MTs short winners (something he's nor used to at Bec) and gradually frustrated and dictated play to pull off a fine 3-1 win.

Thankfully the lower order was more proficient. CK taking apart the huffing and puffing Sam the Gamekeeper in 3 by keeping the ball icy cold and super tight.

Nic chopped up Craig Bartlett for 5 points and l comfortably beat Chris 3-0.
So what started off as a disaster turned into a 15-6 win. Paul and Ck left with doggy bags to ensure they were back in time for this weeks match v Chesham Bois 2.
Team: Mark, CK, Matt Burnett, Nic and Chris.

Dan Fernandez
07968 781598

What Was All That About? A Season Reasoned: The Lions: Dirty Dan Fernandez

Club Captain and Lions skipper, Dirty Dan Fernandez shares his thoughts on the season and displays an apparent inability ... to start... or finish... a sentence...
This is a rare shot of a mirthful Dirty, apparently goosing Koko while Jo picks his pocket. 
Still, it seems that his glass is half full...

High
Finishing 4th. 20 players represented the first team; great that the Club has so much depth and willingness to play up but...

Low
... not so good that we can't play more of a settled side. After the first few matches relegation looked a real possibility. With more consistency and less injuries we surely could challenge for the title.

Funniest Moment
Apart from CKs levels of rice consumption, probably Paul Boyle turning up at Holmer Green when we were playing at home.

Controversy
Trevor refusing to play up despite many calls to help us out.
... with Nic as capt shutting the bar early once the tab hit over £100.

Team Player
In a mediocre season difficult to point to one player. Several good performances to note: Nic being ever present across 20 matches; Mark consistently strong, beating almost everyone he should; Matt beating Tor and Hefferman; Paul pushing Tom Phipps to 5; Dirty (when fit) beating Will Gardener and Adam Edge; CK pushing Tim King all the way plus thanks to Neil who played up 4x, winning 3.

Team Donkey
All over the hill but no 'Donkeys'...

Quote
On seeing the Lions team email advising 'Phil' was at 5, Nic assumed due to the ever wider circle of players we were selecting from that Mr Courtenay-Luck was playing rather than Mr Alexander...

Captain
OftenLate, RegularlyInjured, DeterminedWhenFit

Match Reports: Lions v Holmer Green

The Lions ended their 2011/12 campaign this week against title hopefuls Holmer Green.
What a contrast the teams provided;

Lions - Tired, old, slow, unfit, injured, hanging on to past glories,

Holmer Green - Energetic, young, fast, fit, in their prime, full of promise

The only similarities between both teams were that they were decked out in fancy sponsored shirts and each had one spectator occupying the balcony

Onto the match (in the 3rd person as is now the style...)
HG have strength all the way through the team whereas Beaconsfield were without their No1 PB, so the odds were stacked against the Lions from the start.
HG 3 & 4 strings had to leave early for a road trip so were on first which meant for the first time this season Fernandez was on time and on court before his usual 9.30pm start time.

Nic took on the fast and furious Tor and DF was up against the fast and furious but slightly less cultured James Harley.
Manley started well hitting his trademark low hard cross court drives and tight volley winners 1-0
Fernandez started slowishly losing a close 1st 0-1
Manley in his efforts to move his bulk around the court trying to keep up with his whippet like opponent pulled a muscle so lost the 2nd badly but fought well in the 3rd losing a close 7-9 before capitulating 1-3.

Meanwhile Fernandez taking lessons from his mentors Foo and McNeil and with the maestro Alexander watching on, floated lifted flicked deceived and sometimes stuttered to a good victory 3-1 bewildering the young buck with a mix of slow slow quick quick slow.

CK at two was always in for a tough match v David Price. Similar in ability to their No1 he is a class act, tall powerfully built and very capable. Unfortunately CK could not get close and went down quickly in 3.

Treadwell (he of ginger pubes and car) was on v Alex Hartley at 1. Alex is Mark's bogey player as his game is not quite enough in every department against another very accomplished young player (Bucks County no5)
Despite a few old classic reverse angles and pokey trademark volleys the magic wasn't quite there and MT went down 0-3 

Talking of 'Magic' (did you see what I did there..) Toby was up at 5 after a long break from div 1 squash and was up against Ossie Mustapha. Both players are larger than the average bear but fast fit and give the ball a good whack. At 5 Ossie is almost unbeatable so this was a v.tough challenge for Johnson. After a weak 1st game letting his oppo dominate the play, he dug in for the 2nd and came close to taking a game. Unfortunately the momentum could not be sustained and the 3rd went away too quickly.
So a 17-4 loss, all over by 9.15, the normal Basmati slops (chaps - do we want this again next year..??), a couple of pints and all done by 10.30.

As it stands looks like we will be a creditable but distant 4th place of 8 teams after 21 matches..
The season was also notable for the lack of a regular Lions team with 20 players representing the Lions.
Thanks to everyone who played up.

Roll on the Club Champ's and Summer Racketball.

Thanks
Dirty 

Lions v Chesham Bois 2

Match V CBII

Mark v Owen Riddall      3/1         7/9 9/2 9/1 9/1

Nic v Simon Ross              3/1         10/8 9/6 2/9 9/3

Neil v Neil Hinds               3/2         7/9 9/8 9/3 7/9 9/4

Kevin v Dan Glenn           1/3         9/0 2/9 8/10 3/9

Jim v Peter East                0/3         5/9 2/9 2/9

We won 3/2 or 14/10

Nic

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Dirty elaborates:

So, a few guest appearances for the Pride this week resulting in a nice surprise, a WIN!, & a not so nice surprise - a hammering of the bar bill!

Red Mane & No Man went hunting first (cos we were actually on time!) Treaders took on another sprightly young gazelle but despite an interesting early chase ended in a swift kill.

Nic thought he'd like the taste of a gnarled old wildebeest. A little kick in the teeth in the 3rd but eventually he went for the throat & the gnu died nearly as swiftly as the gazelle.  We'll never hear the last of Nic winning at no. 2!

Jim felt a little exposed on the plains & his prey easily evaded him leaving him hungry & irritable.

Neil, our adolescent hunter, still learning his trade, was up against a wiley old giraffe. The chase was long & hard but eventually gave us the satiety the pride needed, & also took the pressure off our lagging, ageing acting lion who was up next. Well done!

So, Mearsy. He shows his teeth a lot, he runs a lot, & works hard. What can I say? The killer instinct is missing! He'd rather drink from the watering hole than feast on the blood of his kill.

Thanks for stepping in guys. We are now up to 20 players for the season!
------------------------
Mears adds:
Alas the 1st team ‘watering hole’ appears to be somewhat of an oasis.

Beaconsfield Squash Club has been renowned over the years for its great hospitality.  

Having played twice for the first (and yes lost both times), I have been surprised that on both occasions the bar ‘tab’ has been shut prematurely, while guests are still on the premises and, yes it’s been before the 11:00 curfew.

On both occasions the banter was in full flow and it is exactly the atmosphere that we should be encouraging.  Further drinks had to be purchased by individuals.

Comments and views welcome.........

Lions v Ayelsbury

This missive just in from an ebullient Nic:


Double Header v Aylesbury

Paul       2/3

Mark     3/1 (and 2/0 v Phipps)

Nic          0/3

Dan        0/3

Chris      3/0

Lost        8/14

Nic

---------------------------------------------------------

Nic, as ever, short & to the point, just like his match last night. Up to Treaders (I've been told that proper match reports are to be written in the third person) to expand again:
Boylie took on County champ Phippsy & pushed him all the way to 5. Classy stuff. However, the stats guru ginger is not happy. You are only allowed 0-3 or 3-0 Paul!
Manly (yeah right!) did battle with the abrasive Scotsman McGowern. A promising start with some great drops, I couldn't believe what I was seeing! Didn't last!!
Treaders took on Wonder Boy, Alex. His dad was keen to tell me he'd just played in the French Open. He may be a future star & I'll never get close again but, hey, he was up against the destroyer of youngsters. Alex took the first game but after that it was one way traffic & once the boy new the outcome decided to retire unexpectedly. Then took on Phippsy who mocked my special Treaders flicks! Sorry to go on a bit Boylie...
Chris, a rare outing for the Lion pride. Didn't see him but was obviously in predatory mood. Swift & merciless!
So, 2 rubbers each. All on Dan. I appeared on the gallery with Dan 0-2 & 0-6 down. No worries! Dan would keep up with statistical patterns & win in 5. Some cheering from the gallery perked him up & he looked galvanised... briefly...
Treaders
-------------------------------

Chris G writes:

Dan asked for a little more detail on our match so here it is; very very little comedic content.

No one fully explained to me why this fixture was a double header but I expect that the opportunities to get both Tom Phipps and Paul Boyle on court together was a major factor. Rather than save the best to last they were 1st to grace the court. The air crackled with anticipation (all 11 of us) as their last encounter in the Bucks Close semi's was a thrilling 3-2 to Tom. 

1st exchanges tested the lungs as there were a few handouts with long rallies before a point was scored. Tom was cracking the ball and Paul was just soaking it up with his trademark back hand pace chop drop from the back 3rd proving very productive. However the work-rate was not exactly reflected in the points tally as the game went to Tom 9-3

Tom came out in the second hitting the ball even harder and took everything early to quickly establish a 3-0 lead with real authority but Paul's ability to continue to absorb the pace found Tom unable to sustain that level and Paul reversed the result of the 1st 3-9 but looked drained when he sat for the break and I had to wonder how much he had to give. Once again Tom started the next game at a furious pace and took the 3rd 9-6 the rallies started to shorten but not the pace as Paul set up a 5th with a 3-9 win. Tom strode to a 5-0 lead in the 5th from then on Paul was unable to close that gap Toms ability to put away the high balls was now very difficult to play against. So it was not to be 3rd time lucky but a highly respectable performance against an ex Pro.

Meanwhile Manley was on with Ian McGowan and despite his trademark quick start to 4-0 thanks in part to Ian just clipping the tin repeatedly this was turned around somewhat when he then found his range. In truth Nic's applied pressure resulted in the early forced errors but in was unsustainable as he went down in 3    9-4 9-4 9-5.

I went on with another Chris (no surname!) and thanks to considerable attention from Priya had my 1st game in 12 weeks or so where I was not protecting one injury or another.  Got the Job done 3-0, happy days.       8-10 0-9 4-9

Treadders was next to grace the Glass-back with young Alex Noakes who has grown 7" since I last saw him. The contrast in styles was entertaining: Noakes athletic endeavour vs. Treadwell's conservation of enough energy to ensure a future for the Polar Bear's. The youngster efforts got him the 1st with Treadwell settling down to a rhythm thereafter taking the next two before a tight hamstring forced Alex to shake hands.

Last up our Captain had the fate of the tie in his hands and he faced Aylesbury debutant Sam in a rather one sided affair. In his own words he was "Too Old: Too Slow: and Too Man Flu'd" to make any impression tonight.    9-5 9-1 9-6

Lions v Booker

Treaders writes:


Having put Nic's stats through my bespoke analytical software I am struggling to come up with interesting new facts from the Lions' performance on Wednesday. However, one cannot fail to notice that our pride crushed our arch enemies from Booker, the league leaders, in front of a gallery of expectant tourists.
Our 2 dominant males led the pride out with crushing defeats of their foes. To be fair, our All Black lion was pitted against a cripple, & our Red Maned lion was up against a mere cub!  3-0, 3-0
The lioness's came out to play this week.
1) Matt (unpredictable adolescent lioness) won! 3-0
2) Nic (long in the tooth, thinning haired lioness) won a 5 setter!
3) Dirty Dan (temperamental, frequently aggressive lioness) won in less than 5 sets!  3-1
----------------------------------
Chris G:
Congrats and an all-round better showing than the listless showing of the seconds who were unable to pull a win out of a 4 man Booker!!!

I personally have tried to blame various injuries but probably have to face the fact that I am just crap.

Some honour for the club is restored for which I thank you all.

-----------------------------------

Dirty:

I might add their no5, like me, was  playing out of order and was easily their 2nd best player (unlike me, 4th at best) having duffed up Davies and Cooper for a handful of points in recent Div 2 outings.
A 19-3 defeat of the league leaders will certainly spice up the title race, reversing a 19-1 drubbing they inflicted on us pre-Xmas. 
Unfortunately we are out of the title battle but should be aiming for 4th place from our current 6th.
The evening was so nearly complete when a slightly tipsy Jo S  asked me for a lift home. Happy to oblige I was anticipating a special 'reward' for my long suffering service as club capt, however, she jumped out the car quicker than CK grabs the rice, treasuring Piggin's sports watch and dreaming of their Sunday training session...

Lions v Booker Wed Feb 8th: Come on Down...

Come on down to the club this Wednesday Feb 8th for the 'big bash':
The Lions take on league leaders Booker.
For starters Paul Boyle will be taking on Bucks No 2 Tom Power in what should be a cracker.
The support act will be Treaders, Matt Burnett, Nic (not so) Manley and Dirty Dan.
The match starts at 7.30.
Beer available earlier with the lovely Lisa...

Nic Bites Back and seems to quite like... Mark Twain

Point 1 – I have surveyed all of Mark’s ex girlfriends and they can confirm the ”getting things over quickly” bit

A few more quotes:-

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable. 

Mark Twain

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please. 

Mark Twain

Never let the facts get in the way of a good story. 

Mark Twain



Treaders seems to be getting the hang of statistics

Nic

Match Report: Of Sorts: Lions v Tring: Lions Raw or Yawn?

I always hoped that theses match reports would reflect their author's personality; this one just in from Nic Manley...

Lions v Tring I @ Home

Mark: 3/1

CK: 0/3

Nic: 2/3

Dan: 3/2

Neil: 3/0

Bonus: 4/0

Score: 15/9

Nic

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Plus, more interesting facts from your stat's guru (Treaders):
1: I was once a child model (see right).
2: 'Copperknob' (Me - did I need to say who?) & The Bald Fat One (Nic - ditto!) have an appalling record of 0% wins if we go to five! May be something to do with lack of stamina. I, personally, always like to get things over quickly...
3. The Zen Master has a hopeless win/loss ration this season! Has senility finally caught up with him? There'll always be a position as team coach... I, personally, can't perform without him behind me.
4. Captain Dirty Dan, yet again, goes to 5. Yawn!! Must be on the little blue pills...

Lions v Booker: Lions Get Stuffed: Match Report by Dirty Fernandez

Lions Get Stuffed


Here's Dan's report followed by a few words about last weekend's Racket ball tournament.
He's obviously being paid by the word...

Worst Lions loss since records began.
1 - 19 v Booker.
Power twins electrocuted Treadwell & Manley
Carr ran over Gildersleve
Napoleon sunk by Buckley
Ashington salvaged a point v a bloke 10 yrs older than him.
Come back Foo, Fernandez, Longman, Boyle & Burnett all is forgiven....


County Racketball Tournament:
Popular winner Simon Martin 3-1 v Craig Bartlett.
Bartlett surprisingly beat defending champ Tom 'pissed' Phipps 3-1 in semi.
Poor turnout from Beaconsfield & Bucks players generally. 12 entries reduced to 9 on Friday with injuries and no-shows.

Lions Updates (Holmer Green & Chesham Bois Results)

Lions Updates (Holmer Green & Chesham Bois Results)
Match Report: Dirty


Lions Back on Top


Lions v Holmer Green (16/11)


What a difference 7 days can make.... 
After a strong result beating Holmer Green 4-1 (17-5) at home (9/11), the following week (16/11) we played HG away. 
Unfortunately injuries are impacting on our ability to play a regular team (previously a key strength) so yet again we were calling on our 2nd team compardres to support us. 

Due to the 15 year age gap between HG's Young Bucks and our ageing cavaliers they 'accidentally-on-purpose' turned the heating up to max and left it on all day so seriously impacting on the ability of our stroke-makers to play any winners and playing into the hands of the oppo's retrieving ability

Paul was not available so Mark stepped into the breach at 1 and playing his nemesis Alex Hartley found him too strong in each department and unable to gain any advantage. 0-3. 

CK was injured so Matt played at 2 vs Tor. Matt is difficult to fathom out as he looks so smooth but often lacks the tenacity to dig out results. Well tonight was different and he played superbly running Tor around, and pushing all the (many) balls that came back into every corner and then making the winning shot. A great game which Matt deservedly won 3-2 

At 3 Nic played James Hartley who he beat for 2 points the week before. James had gone walkabout then but aided by the sauna-like conditions the match was played in, he was back to his usual standard and in a close game Nic could not find enough to make the difference 0-3 

Thanks at 4 and 5 to Neil and Oliver for stepping to help us out. 
Neil at 4 had a tough match against Ozzie Must-go-on-a-diet who is a class player yet Neil got stuck in and battled well to go 2-0 up. Ozzie realising he had a game on his hands knuckled down and took charge to win 3-2 but good points from Neil 

At 5 Oliver, having missed his Bears match whilst on England duty on Tues at Wembley stepped in at the last minute but was always struggling on the back foot against a lively Ben Sheldon who was too quick for Oliver's shots to make an impact. 

Final scores on the doors 8-15

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Lions: Roaring or Yawning?

23/11 Lions v Chesham Bois 1 
Report: Dirty

After a 1-4 loss earlier in the season, with a full strength Lions team out we were hoping for a victory - albeit on paper most of the games were predicted to be closely fought. 

Paul at 1 got us rolling in the right direction playing Phil Taylor. Phil has transferred over from Holmer Green to play at No1. Against most teams he is able to compete but despite youth and some lovely shots on his side, Paul was always in control picking up everything with interest and making Phil work for every point. Cool, calm and collected 3-0 

At 2 Mark played Tim King who is like Tigger on acid. Mark's best shots (you know that annoying really low sliced forehand drop he hits with no back swing) were no problem for Tim and every rally was long and punishing for both. After 30 mins and 1-1 , the 3rd was going to be decisive and at 5-5 a few simple errors put Mark behind 1-2. Unfortunately the 4th followed a similar path. 1-3 

CK was outgunned at 3 by the ever improving fast hitting Dan Colquhoun. Despite a tight 1st CK could not get over the gain line. 0-3 

At 4 Nic played Paul Bolden, both good shot makers, both on the wrong side of 40 and against any rallies over 5 shots. Nic initially took charge 2-0. Paul battled back extending the rallies and pushing Nic to the back. At 8-6 up in 4th Paul served and unexpectedly his racket disintegrated on impact with the ball. Nic hit the winner and went to serve. Paul asking for a let was refused and 4 shots later Nic won 10-8. 3-1. Weird. 

At 5 I played the rangey Sam Pothecary. All legs and enthusiasm but not hugely skilled. Foolishly I was playing with a tight hamstring and after a tentative 1st at 7-1 up in the 2nd it went. Retreating to the WKP style 'lob-serve-1-shot-volley-winner-or-die-approach', I managed to win 2nd, lost 3rd as rooted to the spot after each shot, but fought back as the ball got colder to game point in 4th only to blow out 9-10. 1-3. 

So a 2-3 loss, 8-14. Mid table mediocrity.