Bucks Vets

Dear All,

Can you please send a reminder round within your clubs that entries for the Bucks Vets are closing this weekend. It would be great to get more entries and support. There will be a shirt from iPROSPORTS and also prizes for winners / runner up from Harrow.
Your support will be greatly appreciated.
Anyone entering can email me on sammueller71@gmail.com
Kind regards
Sam

Sam Mueller
(M) 07539 069888

Lions: A Season Reasoned: Mark Treadwell

A few words from the Lions' Captain:-

Despite a challenging season with respect to team selection (or lack of!) the Lions performed admirably & finished 2nd in the County League. Thank you to my regulars who revolved their life around matches: Nic, who started playing again while still a cripple; CK who would have played with a cast on; Toby who played despite needing to be in bed by 9pm; Simon, who would have played while on his honeymoon if he could have got away with it; Paul, an irregular regular; & the myriad of keen reserves who helped me out.

Mark T

Tigers: A Season Reasoned: Gareth Ashington Writes (Just Not 'Joined Up')

Captain Calamity (Gazza) writes:

Some were surprised that the Tigers would take their spot in Div 1 having earned the right by winning Div 2. Kev, Dan and Paul Boyle all sought a number 1 for us and along came Mike McLaughlin. Revelation. He’s good, Boyley Good and what a great team player. Only his dad’s birthday and a virus stopped him playing 2 matches. He came close to beating Tom Phipps and won his England cap this season. At Gerrards Cross after thrashing Trevor he then played Andy Peers and I think had a hit with Jonny. Oh and he turns up on time J We managed 7 wins out of 18 matches, 2 more than CB 1B and managed to stave of relegation and the prospect of 3 Beaconsfield teams in Div 2. Adam Pyne was briefly in the team but the ticking time bomb went against his nemesis, Mark. There were “walk offs”, swearing, body contact and a final scene at the bottom of the stairs where verbal exchanges threatened to be more, but happily Adam just dumped his new team shirt and sped away. Jonny played well especially up to Christmas and was kind enough to come back in our last few matches. Dan was late every match as usual and played at 3 and sometimes at 2. He did give it his all every match and improved visibly towards the end of the season. Chris battled hard and picked up points. Thanks to Dave Fielding for allowing Dave Powell to switch for the last quarter. Dave belongs in Div 1 and showed this with a great win against Stewart Heffernan, 3-1. That I was surprised at the win is something that Dave hasn’t forgiven me about yet! And thank you to Brett Martin who stepped in after Jonny started making his first million in the city. He tried gallantly but at 2 and twice at 1 he found Bucks Div 1 a unforgiving place. Mike has confirmed for next season and so with Dave and Dan we have a good nucleus. Me, I was crap with a solitary good win against Ian McGowan. 

Gazza.     

Club Over 45s Championship

This just in from Gareth Ashington:

For the first time the Over 45 tournament is not being played at the same time as the Club Championship. This is because players like Mark Treadwell play in both and end up playing up to 3 times on both the Saturday and the Sunday rendering them too exhausted to put up much of a fight in the main final. The match ups and timings are below. Please come and watch, support or ridicule and spend some money at the bar.

Quarters
Gareth v Dave – Friday at 5.10pm
Nic V Jamal – Friday at 7.40pm

Semies
Mark v Dave (likely) or Gareth – Sat 11.00am
Dan v Nic (likely and sorry Jamal) – Sat 11.00am

Final is booked for 6.00pm but may be brought forward by mutual consent and court availability

The Hat Club. 5: Paul Gilbody

Thanks to all of you who supported our last Hat Club.
Martin Stephenson was a sell out; justifiably so as he and his partner Helen charmed us all with tall tales, fine finger picking and sumptuous singing.
Our next presentation is Paul Gilbody on April 26th.
As well as being a member of KT Tunstall's band Edinburgh based Gilbody has a thriving solo career.
His songs are confessional singer/songwriter fare, with a little bit of blue eyed soul added to the mix. He's also a master of the loop, so be prepared to be gobsmacked as he, erm, plays with himself...
You can reserve your tickets now by paying your £10 and getting your name on that famous club clip board.


You can read about Paul's career here.


Some future dates for your diaries:

May 17: Kathryn Williams and band. Kathryn has recently been nominated for 'Performing Artist of the Year' by the Journal Culture Awards 2014. She will feature songs from her Mercury prize nominated album Little Black Numbers and her new album Crown Electric.
Katherine's backing band will include a guitarist and a cellist.

Read a recent Independent on Sunday with Kathryn here.


July 12: Paul Armfield: 
'A voice like Leonard Cohen steeped in honey'. 
I said that.
Me.
And, yup, it's true.
Paul has a new album out 'Up Here' which is gathering rave reviews.
Read about Paul here. 


September 27: Boo Hewerdine: His work includes lead singer and creative force behind The Bible, formed in the 1980s, and reformed in 1994, as well as master of solo recordings and much work for film. He has also produced records by several artists, including a long association with Eddi Reader. Boo has been described as "one of Britain's most consistently accomplished songwriters" and is truly a legend amongst aficionados of the songwriting craft.
For any Arsenal supporters out there, Boo also wrote the soundtrack to the move 'Fever Pitch'.

Meanwhile, back to Paul Gilbody: Here's a video or two for your delectation:

James Wyatt v Mike McLaughlin 11.30 am Saturday Morning

This just in from Mark Wyatt to Chairman Mears after an invite to Charlie and James to enter the Club Championships on May 10th.

Hi Kevin,
Many thanks for thinking of the boys.
Charlie has been at home for Spring break, so we went ski-ing together on Friday in Verbier having been to Chamonix on Monday.
He has just flown back to the USA for his final semester and we will be attending his graduation on 19 May when John Kerry (US Sec of State) is giving an address, so it should be interesting. He starts work at UBS next to Grand Central Station 16 July but hopes to be back in the Uk for a couple of weeks before then to sort out his US Visa.
James won the Austrian Open a couple of weeks ago (see attached photo).The man in leather shorts is apparently the Austrian President, but James wasn’t convinced having been told not to talk to any Austrian’s with a dodgy tache !
On 10/11 May, James is due to play in an u17 event at Surrey Health & Racquets and Charlie will be gearing up for his graduation, so I think it unlikely either of them will be able to participate in the Club Champs.
I am coming back next weekend to look after James, so he asked me if anyone in the 1st team would like a friendly match on Sat morning after 11.15am or sometime on Sunday?
He is just looking for a fun match !
Cheers and thanks again for thinking of us.
Best wishes,
Mark

James Wyatt v 1st teamer Mike McLaughlin: 11.30 am Saturday Morning

Tigers v Gerrards Cross

Tigers v Gerrards Very Cross (GVX) at Beaconsfield.
Tigers are second from bottom just 7 points ahead of the bottom placed team, CB 1B whose last match is against the new champions CB1A on Sunday! Tigers are hoping that CB1A field a normal strength team.
So Tigers need 13 points to seal their own destiny and another season in Div1. Jonny Machin returns from the City and making his first million to strengthen the team. Mike McLaughlin will give us a good start against Trevor Loran. Other matches will be closer. Team is Mike, Jonny, Dan, Dave Powell et moi.
Please come and support us.
Gazza

Happy 50th Birthday Timbo!

I hate Karaoke! 

I always resist the call at parties. 

I'm supposed to be a singer right?

I'm not really a 'singer' though am I?

I'm a songwriter who sings his own songs in the controlled environment of a studio... but...

"Come on Trev, show us how it's done!" comes the inevitable call.

You can't win, folk expect and, I suspect, secretly bate their breath in the hope of a car crash.

So, I always resist.

Except... on Saturday night it was my good mate Tim Westall's 50th birthday.

He'd reformed his school punk band 'The X Men' especially for the occasion.
Tim, Tim, Stu and ringer, 'Plinky Plonky Paul'.

I somehow ended up playing keyboards on The Specials' 'Message to You Rudy' as 'Plinky Plonky' needed to do that trombone bit. He did it very well, and I kind of bluffed my way through the song; there were only 3 chords and it was in the key of 'C'. No black notes to bother...

The X Men trundled splendidly through a zestful set with muscularity and no little affection for their beloved Sex Pistols, Damned, Vibrators et al. Great fun as these successful businessmen rolled up their sleeves, rolled back the years and rallied against Thatcher and 'the system'. Anarchy indeed! Tim sprayed out some fine riffs, gurning, grinning; garrulously shooting from the hip with his sunburst Les Paul. Drummer Tim (shipped in from Norway) thumped away with grey abandon, making a glorious, orgiastic, organic din with his rubber drums, whilst singer and bassist Stu came over like a holy union of Paul Simonon and Eric Morcambe as he spread his legs wide and formed a solid foundation in that bopping basement, playing all the right notes but not necessarily in the right order. The high spot was a gusty, gutsy encore of The Stranglers' 'No More Heroes', which The X Men grabbed by the throat and dutifully... strangled; Plinky Plonky's airy arpeggios adding an oddly lofty musicality to the dynamic dirge. It was lovely to glimpse old firm friends re-engaging with the folk and folly that they'd forgotten they loved. 
I think we'll call it 'Joy!' 
I'd have them at The Hat Club but I fear that we'd have to sand bag the place to protect us from the neighbors....

Next up was the dreaded Karaoke.

Tim dragged his lovely wife Donna on stage and they sweetly mugged their way through 'You're the One that I Want'; charming as John and Olivia. 

Then came the call. 
I resisted as best I could but... Tim presented me with a lyric sheet for The Kinks' 'Lola' in an unfeasible font with tiny unreadable text and... we were off. 

I thought I knew the song. 

Do you? 

Go on, give us the tune.
And the lyric then? 

Not so easily rendered or remembered eh? 

"I met her in a club down in old Soho..." and then, nothing. 

A blank. 

So I let Tim lead and decided that I'd just 'guest star' and flesh out the chorus. 

Easy. 

Sorted. 

But could I spell 'Lola'? 

Could I buggery! 

It's L  O  L  A. 

LOLA! right? 

I did 'lilo', 'Loulou', 'lala'. 
Anything but 'Lola'. 
Tim then suggested 'Waterloo Sunset'.
'Dirty old river...' and then... nothing; a blank.
Tim avoided eye contact and pulled the plug.

I shuffled off stage to tumbleweed and bewildered whisperings from a nonplussed audience. 

Not for the first time, but definitely the last. 

Di took my hand and sympathetically whispered "you were rubbish!"

She did however profess the X Men as 'brilliant'.

Here are some clips of the band's performance. 

Something for you to rate her judgement of me by...

Happy St Patrick's Day WKP. Your Ship Has Come In.

Here's WKP.
One eyed as ever.
Rattling on about Ireland's lucky win.
If France had a kicker the Paddy's would have been well beat.
Any other ref would have penalised the Greens for throwing themselves into and over the French rucks in the last 10 minutes... 
Yellow cards akimbo.
Bitter? Moi? Nope, just have a better grasp on realty than Willy Von Krackpot...

Dear Trevor,

Please make sure you post this on the blog.

Six Nations

I turned up at the club for the big decider. I thought I would spare them the wig and hair so I only wore the Irish shirt. Well , it was like the Marie Celiste. Instead of finding the usual rabid Englishmen all waiting to be bought a round, the bar was echoing with the sound of Juniors fighting over potato crisps. To their credit, two English supporters did appear in the shape of Tim Westall and Richard Lubek. Tim left at half time and Richard stayed until the bitter end. Where the rest were was as big a mystery as the current missing Malaysian Airways missing 777. Ireland scored more tries, had a superior points difference, played attractive rugby and came from a nation of about 6 million people to choose from. This suggests to me that English rugby is still in the dark ages and needs to wake up to the fact that they need to look at their players on merit. Ireland won't win the next world cup, so don't try to get a bet on. England could win it if they get their act together. it takes a team like Ireland to show up the continuing  weaknesses in thinking and selection to expose this fact. I am looking forward to buying all the shrinking violet England supporters a drink on Paddy Power, where Ireland were 9/2 before the tournament.

Ireland, Ireland!

Regards

Willie

Saturday Evening's Hat Club; A Big Hit!

Saturday evening's Hat Club was a great success; indeed a sell out!
Martin Stephenson and is partner Helen (not the bearded fiddle player left) produced two idiosyncratic sets of wonderful, rootsy, warm melodic music. As well as some fine singing and sublime finger picking, there were mirthful moments of unpredictable banter that added to a crackling quirky atmosphere. Part of that dynamic came from the fact that we opened the gig up to 20 non members, folk who brought tickets directly from Martin's website. New faces, new friends who knew all of the words and helped lead the singalongs.
I'm sure some might remember Martin from the 80's & 90's.
'Boat to Bolivia', 'Gladsome Humour & Blues' were never off my turntable back then; I saw him play many times with his band The Daintees. And Helen's band The Chiefs were darlings of The John Peel Show around the same time.
Martin has just released his 41st (yup) album 'California Star' to much acclaim.
Anyway... there was some weird serendipity around on Saturday: In the morning a copy of the monthly magazine 'R2' dropped through my letter box.
My band Miracle Mile have an interview within, courtesy of Jeremy Searle.
We also have a track on the free 'Unherd' CD that comes gratis with this fine mag.
And who do you think has the track before ours?
You couldn't make this stuff up!

A fine night was had by all; I'm told that we hit the £800 mark in bar takings.
Thank Christ for WKP! I think that he accounted for about half of that...
He also sired one half of our formidable bar staff; Connor and Alex, who did a sterling job behind the bar; they even granted me my very own tab, making a very old man sappy...
Kudos also to all of the members who turned up; particularly Howard and Irene Machin, Willie and Sarah Kirkpotty and the Courtney Lucks who, I believe, have attended all of the presentations thus far.
Paul Austin should be wrapped in gold leaf that we can all lick it off; we'd be a non starter without him providing, setting up and taking down his excellent PA.

The next Hat Club is on April 26th and features KT Tunstall band member Paul Gilbody who'll be bringing his unique brand of percussive pop 'n' roll to the club.
Details of that will follow soon.
Have a look below at a clip from The Old Grey Whistle Test as a sample of what you missed on Saturday if you were absent.

Hat Club Nearly Sold Out!/Bulls v Bears Match tonight

Should be a good weekend:
Tonight we have a Bulls v Bears face-off.
These team matches are always competitive; sometimes there's blood on the walls!
Come share in the gory...
7.40pm start.
The likely line up (with my predictions) is:

The Pig v Poppa Guildersleve: A slogfest with a win to the Pig after some of the most unimaginative rallying ever witnessed at BSC: 3-2

Napoleon v Dave Fielding: Fielding embarrassingly over ranked. Does he rank himself? Not a great ranker if he does do the ranking himself... It'll all be over in 25 minutes; early bath and bar for Napoleon: 3-0

Monkey v Neil Davis: Neil's light is fading apparently; how the mighty are fallen... He might rise to the occasion but I doubt it. Could well make an early exit for a children's party or parent meeting... Monkey too strong for this feckless father: 3-1

Oli v Goldilocks: I haven't seen 'Stampy' perform for a while. He can be quietly effective, making the most of his modest skill set. Flatters to deceive; let's hope Oli has his squash head on. He's been playing some exquisite stuff lately but... we all know that he can suddenly morph into an indifferent state at the drop of a dummy so... This one could be interesting: 3-0 or 0-3

Me v Joe Bzxcwllszski: Joe twats the ball! What he lacks in finesse he more than makes up for in zestful endeavor. Last time we played I think I won, but only after I'd resorted to the dark arts. Has Joe developed some court smarts after his year with The Trojans? I hope not. Could be close: 3-2


Tomorrow evening we welcome Martin Stephenson to The Hat Club.

Last time I looked there were 4 tickets left, so thanks to all of you who are supporting these musical evenings.
I already have the next two lined up; news of that shortly.
Also news to tell soon about The Average Wrist Band's latest outing...

Hat Club: Martin Stephenson: This Saturday: Only 10 Tickets Left!

Willie Stripped Bare

Well, you can't say WKP doesn't put his money where his mouth is.
Fortunately, this year he turned out to be a gobby gobshite...
Yup, the Irish went down to England in a fiercely contested battle; the right team winning in the end.
Willie did treat us all to half time pizza which went down well.
After 80 minutes Willie refused to cough up our £5 bet; apparently we hadn't shaken; although I did take £1 off him in a bet on a penalty kick, the first brass that I've ever lifted from the tightarse.
Seems that the Monson family fared better, stripping him of £20.
It looks like they spent it wisely...

A Message From WKP

This Saturday at 1600 will be your best ever opportunity to see WKP humiliated (really?) when the mighty England (representing a population of circa 70 million not counting the colonies, Tuilagi, Vunipola et al) take to the field against minnows Ireland ( population 6.4 million plus sheep and pigs) . This will be the match of the Championship and determine whether Ireland will win the Triple Crown. WKP is hoping for a good turnout at the club to help with the atmosphere. Drop him a line if you are planning to attend at w.kirkpatrick549@btinternet.com . That way you will get catered for when the pizza turns up at half time. WKP

Bulls v Holmer Green

Jim Cooper writes:

Apologies for the delay in reporting the outcome of last night’s match Bulls vs Homer Green. My day got off to a bad start with the A4 being turned into a car park for 2.5 hours this morning and I haven’t caught up!

Ian’s squad rotation paid huge dividends and in my opinion was rewarded with one of the best Bulls’ performances of the year.

First up Trevor ‘Sassoon’ Jones vs Trevor Howes. Trev’s been a bit of a super-sub this year. Normally we’re left guessing whether we’ll see the hairdressing nonce, or the artist of old, with flashes of poetic genius. Despite a wobble in the 3^rd Trev dispatched his man comfortably 3:1. Verdict: it was all Siegfried, no Vidal!

Meanwhile I was marking Olly vs Darren Thompson. Mark Mellott refused to mark them since he thought there was a high probability of this one “kicking off”. Now what could have made him think that! In reality they were no bother at all. This is comfortably the best I’ve seen Olly play for years. Moving well and hitting the ball really crisply. Despite a tough first game and some good running from Daren, Olly strolled home 3:0. He’s back!

Ches the Python Bhola was on the other court vs Mick Baker, who looks a bit like Sam the Eagle from the Muppets. Ches got off to a slow start losing the first 9:4 but won the next 2 relatively easily. Mick replied by winning the 4th setting up a decider. Now anybody who knows Ches will know there’s f*ck-all chance of him giving an inch and our man of steel duly delivered by taking the last 9:6. This was another great, hard-fought win, against a useful opponent. 3:2.

Chairman Kev, playing at one, was matched against Mark Mellott. Now Mark might not have the most sophisticated game and nobody is going to call him a shot-maker but he’s effective and seemingly tireless. The first 4 games seesawed back and forth, with Kev worryingly losing the 4^th 9:1 but Kev gave himself a stern talking to and upped the pace and endeavour in the 5^th. We all know the strength of Kev’s drop but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him play it better, or to such effect. Mark knew it was coming but they were just too tight. Kev took the 5^th 9:7 in what was a great game played in good spirit. 3:2

That left Harry vs Ross Baker as the last match of the night. Ross would normally play one I think but has dropped down to two following an injury earlier in the year. He’s a few pound heavier but still a quality player. Ross won the first 2 games 9:4, 9:2 but the games were tighter than the scores suggest. Harry played a good 4^th taking it 9:7. Ross got to match point in the 4^th at 8:4 but Harry dug-in and at 8:6 Ross took a nasty tumble and was looking shaky but finally managed to squeeze it out 10:9. 3:2.

So overall the Bulls won 17:8 and everyone played great. Well done boys, I was proud of you.

Jim