Hat Club: Martin Stephenson: This Saturday: Only 10 Tickets Left!

Willie Stripped Bare

Well, you can't say WKP doesn't put his money where his mouth is.
Fortunately, this year he turned out to be a gobby gobshite...
Yup, the Irish went down to England in a fiercely contested battle; the right team winning in the end.
Willie did treat us all to half time pizza which went down well.
After 80 minutes Willie refused to cough up our £5 bet; apparently we hadn't shaken; although I did take £1 off him in a bet on a penalty kick, the first brass that I've ever lifted from the tightarse.
Seems that the Monson family fared better, stripping him of £20.
It looks like they spent it wisely...

A Message From WKP

This Saturday at 1600 will be your best ever opportunity to see WKP humiliated (really?) when the mighty England (representing a population of circa 70 million not counting the colonies, Tuilagi, Vunipola et al) take to the field against minnows Ireland ( population 6.4 million plus sheep and pigs) . This will be the match of the Championship and determine whether Ireland will win the Triple Crown. WKP is hoping for a good turnout at the club to help with the atmosphere. Drop him a line if you are planning to attend at w.kirkpatrick549@btinternet.com . That way you will get catered for when the pizza turns up at half time. WKP

Bulls v Holmer Green

Jim Cooper writes:

Apologies for the delay in reporting the outcome of last night’s match Bulls vs Homer Green. My day got off to a bad start with the A4 being turned into a car park for 2.5 hours this morning and I haven’t caught up!

Ian’s squad rotation paid huge dividends and in my opinion was rewarded with one of the best Bulls’ performances of the year.

First up Trevor ‘Sassoon’ Jones vs Trevor Howes. Trev’s been a bit of a super-sub this year. Normally we’re left guessing whether we’ll see the hairdressing nonce, or the artist of old, with flashes of poetic genius. Despite a wobble in the 3^rd Trev dispatched his man comfortably 3:1. Verdict: it was all Siegfried, no Vidal!

Meanwhile I was marking Olly vs Darren Thompson. Mark Mellott refused to mark them since he thought there was a high probability of this one “kicking off”. Now what could have made him think that! In reality they were no bother at all. This is comfortably the best I’ve seen Olly play for years. Moving well and hitting the ball really crisply. Despite a tough first game and some good running from Daren, Olly strolled home 3:0. He’s back!

Ches the Python Bhola was on the other court vs Mick Baker, who looks a bit like Sam the Eagle from the Muppets. Ches got off to a slow start losing the first 9:4 but won the next 2 relatively easily. Mick replied by winning the 4th setting up a decider. Now anybody who knows Ches will know there’s f*ck-all chance of him giving an inch and our man of steel duly delivered by taking the last 9:6. This was another great, hard-fought win, against a useful opponent. 3:2.

Chairman Kev, playing at one, was matched against Mark Mellott. Now Mark might not have the most sophisticated game and nobody is going to call him a shot-maker but he’s effective and seemingly tireless. The first 4 games seesawed back and forth, with Kev worryingly losing the 4^th 9:1 but Kev gave himself a stern talking to and upped the pace and endeavour in the 5^th. We all know the strength of Kev’s drop but I don’t think I’ve ever seen him play it better, or to such effect. Mark knew it was coming but they were just too tight. Kev took the 5^th 9:7 in what was a great game played in good spirit. 3:2

That left Harry vs Ross Baker as the last match of the night. Ross would normally play one I think but has dropped down to two following an injury earlier in the year. He’s a few pound heavier but still a quality player. Ross won the first 2 games 9:4, 9:2 but the games were tighter than the scores suggest. Harry played a good 4^th taking it 9:7. Ross got to match point in the 4^th at 8:4 but Harry dug-in and at 8:6 Ross took a nasty tumble and was looking shaky but finally managed to squeeze it out 10:9. 3:2.

So overall the Bulls won 17:8 and everyone played great. Well done boys, I was proud of you.

Jim

Hat Club 4: March 1st: Martin Stephenson: Tickets Selling Fast!

A reminder that you can reserve your space now.
Simply ask any member of staff to put your name on the Hat Club Clip Board.
Please note that you will need to pay £10 a head at the time.
This will guarantee  you a spot.
But hurry!
Half of the tickets have already been sold...

Hat Club 4: March 1st: Martin Stephenson

The next Hat Club date is set for Saturday March 1st.
Put it in your diaries; it should be a very special evening.
Martin Stephenson is a name that should resonate with anyone who has a half decent record collection.
Here's news of Martin's latest recording 'California Star', and mention of his musical history:

BRITISH SONGWRITING TREASURE MARTIN STEPHENSON RETURNS WITH THE DAINTEES FOR NEW CAREER LANDMARK ALBUM

Much-travelled, much-loved British singer-songwriter Martin Stephenson and his band the Daintees are back with a new career highlight, more than 30 years after Stephenson first emerged as one of our most distinguished performers.
Stephenson’s restless troubadour spirit has now amassed an extraordinary catalogue of 40 albums, and the latest addition is another landmark. ‘California Star’ is the band’s first record to appear in a new deal with Absolute Marketing, distributed by Universal, and stands as delightful proof that a fifty-something artist can go on getting better and better.
‘California Star’ shines with all of Martin’s amassed influences, from folk and country to Americana to rock ‘n’ roll, but with plenty of the style that’s pure Stephenson and no one else. “I just went on a little journey with it,” he says.
“I don’t have huge budgets now, but I like that, it makes you resourceful. Rock ‘n’ roll wasn’t built on huge budgets, so it’s good to have a little bit of pressure. Sometimes if you’ve got huge budgets,” he adds with his trademark understated humour, “you end up sitting in the jacuzzi when you should be playing.”
‘California Star’ is already being heralded as the Daintees’ finest work since ‘Boat To Bolivia,’ and that’s some comparison. That was the 1986 debut that announced one of the most perceptive songwriters of the day, with a thoughtful, layered sound in an age of excess. The NME said of Stephenson’s song craft that he “builds bridges between love and hate, cradle and grave, folk and pop, past and present.”

“There’s lots of different dimensions in music,” muses the Durham native, who now lives in Invergordon in the Scottish Highlands, where he also runs his own small label for young artists he admires, Barbaraville. In the summer, he played to 5,000 admirers in the acoustic tent at Glastonbury, and will be taking the new songs from ‘California Star’ to a venue near you soon.
“Sometimes, no matter how open rock ‘n’ roll people think they are, they can have a blinkered view of how the scene and the universe shift,” he says. “You’ve got to redefine yourself. It just depends whether you’re connected to it or not.”

Bulls Beat Chesham Wrinklies

Chesham Bois Wrinklies visited the club last week.

As you can see, Matron is still in Majorca so they were forced to drive themselves... they weren't happy.

Kevin Mears put pen to paper to tell this tale (actually dictated this to young Michael Mears; the family's only 'writer').

Bulls v Chesham Old Boys

Following our narrow victory at the end of December against the Old Boys, it was our turn to host the return leg. 

The Bulls were rather plump after many celebrations over the festive period and looked more like hopefuls for the next Telly Tubby film, rather than a team of finely tuned athletes.

First up was our Toby, at the time undefeated in the first division.  It was always going to be a tough match against Phil Cornhill and it turned out to become a magnificent match with Toby narrowing winning the first 10/9, losing the next two, coming back with lovely touch and reactions to win the 4^th but finally running out of steam in the 5^th. 2-3

Next was Olly, who faced Aubrey.  Aubrey is never an easy to play against and Olly was unable to hit a decent length.  This put Aubrey in his comfort zone and was therefore able to control the match. 0-3

I went on against Richard and unfortunately for Richard, his hips gave way in the second game so he conceded and will hopefully return in a few weeks. 0-3

At 2-1 down the bulls were not looking confident.  Harry was up against the formidable and unorthodox Bob Ballingall, who had completely destroyed Jim in the last match (sorry to remind you Jim).  Telephone calls were exchanged and Monkey Boy played really well and sensibly.  That said, he was 2/1 down and 8 all and the result could have been so different had he not dug in and battled for each rally.  He won the 4^th 10 – 8 and fortunately had enough energy to win the 5^th with relative ease 3-2.  This was surely to be the match of the night

With everything poised at 2-2 up stepped our captain the Piggy who faced the bionic Steve Lewis.  This was Steve’s debut match for Chesham Bois following a break of c35 years.  The two contrasting styles was a joy to watch although both players looked totally exasperated at many and different times throughout this epic and gruelling match (welcome to Bucks squash Steve).  Ian fought so well to win this match and deserves the man of the match trophy.  The final game went down to the wire with Steve unable to close out the game and Ian finally piping him to the post 10/9 in the 5^th .   A fantastic result and great end to the first match of the season.  3-2

Footnote: If you are a 'CB Wrinkly' and are reading this, one of your group left a wallet in the changing room. No name or money inside, but you might recognise your loss by these photos found within... perhaps reminders of former glories and victories?

Please call the club to claim. 
If our receptionist asks who you are... ask Matron, she'll remind you.

Trojans: Half Term Report

Special awards/thanks/mentions go to:

Team members present at the WSRC/Booker away match, where we managed to ring up enough of a bar tab that WSRC has threatened they are taking a mini-bus to Beaconsfield for the return leg!
All those who acted as my driver to/from matches; both home and away.
Captain Chapples for subsidizing the team's home match bar tab thus far....although we suspect a 'final invoice' at end of season to compensate him will be forthcoming.
Joe Budzynski 

Club coach Andy Longman never sleeps.
Here he is with two of his proteges at Kelly's Irish Bar in New Haven.
Apparently Charlie and James both drank him under the table. Poppa Mark paid.

Christmas Hat Club: Dec 20th: Get Your Tickets Now!

A suggestion that you get your tickets asap for the Christmas Hat Club next Friday.
I believe that there are perhaps 10 tickets left.
Here's another snippet of what you will be missing out on...
This is Luce and Marcus performing 'Who You Were Born To Be'.

Tigers Update

Dan Fernandez writes:

As Gazza recently seems to be spending more time renting/moving house or travelling overseas than playing squash, the required team capt role of writing up match reports is sporadic to say the least.
So another batch of match reports across Dec.

GX v Tigers
The week after playing GX we played them away. Another import came in at no2, Nev, who was a much better player than the previous ringer Steve. Mike tucked up Trevor Loran in minutes. Jonny won in 5 v Nev who ran out of gas despite nice racket work. Trying to repeat my win v Andy Peers l pulled my back badly and went down 0-3. Chris lost 0-3 to Mile Burnett as did Gareth who didn't know where to turn v Heff. So 2-3 loss

CB1B v Tigers
A tricky fixture v bottom team who had strengthened with Darren Withey at 1 but Jonny was off watching spurs so a tight match entailed.
Mike was just too sharp for Darren 3-0.
Despite Priya's expert hands l was only able to hobble about even more slowly than normal and lost in 4 to Mike Thorpe. Gareth had a good run v spiky haired Simon but was too predictable 1-3. Chris G had a close match v his nemesis Neil Hinds who he has only beaten a handful of times in 25 years. From 0-2, he dug in, got to the 5th but just couldn't pull it off. Dave Powell stepped in at 5 and was too classy for Rob Ely 3-1

HG v Tigers
In theory a weaker Tigers played the high flying HG this week but the depth of talent within the club shone thru for a famous win.
Mike McL took on Alex Hartley and on a cold court the boasts were quite working and the ball was dying in the back. At 0-2 down Mike informed us he'd had the lurgy so we were unsure how the match would pan out. We needn't have worried as he controlled the next 3 with lovely weight of shot and control to win 3-2.
Meanwhile Jonny was involved in a hackathon on next court with Tor. Going 1-2 down and looking fragile JM listened to advice from the balcony to hit better length and attack and won 3-2.
Brakes were then put on our progress as the Pig playing a chippy youngster who wound Olly up last week lost in 3 and l was out run by James Harley.
So match was all in the hands of the recently 'retired' Dave Powell up against Oz. Dave started well and just continued playing flawless squash not letting his larger opponent get a sniff 3-0. I wont spoil Dave's win by saying Oz had a bad back and had already played earlier that evening but you can only play whats in front of you...  Score 13-10.

Bulls v Chesham Wrinklies

Captain Piggin's match report: 

We played some squash against some old chaps.  
- I lost to a young chap who was bald and thereby qualified for their team.  
- Jim had a sorrowful experience against Rob who made him look a bit silly really (no offence Jim).  
- Olly beat an old man.  
- Harry almost lost to a very old man, but managed to scrape through thereby preserving his proud “I only lose to girls” victory chant.  
- Kev beat Tristan Farley Wotsit, which clinched the match for us.  
We then reminisced about how we much we missed Trev, although reflecting that we may have lost the match overall if he had played.  
Swings and Roundabouts, etc.

Tigers Match Report

Dan Fernandez writes: 

In the unlikelihood of Gareth finding a pen as he moves house, I dusted off the keyboard and jotted down a few comments on the Tigers season so far:

The team of Mike 'Real McCoy' McLaughlin; Jonny 'running machine' Machin; Adam Pyne (when fit); Dan Dare; Gazza and Chris 'Rhino' Gildersleve have settled in to the season well, turning out regularly, playing some good squash and building a good team spirit.
We started off the season at the end Sept with an expected win over the relatively weak Chesham 1B , followed up by a great victory over a strong Holmer Green side with top performances by Mike, Jonny & Chris. Next up we had a feisty battle (1-4 defeat) with the Lions who have hardly taken the 'split strength' ideal to heart (Treadwell at no4!). This was followed by a 2-3 defeat to a super strong Aylesbury team (both Phipps + Marshall at 1 + 2), however, Mike was 2-0 and 5-1 up v Tom and Gazza pulled off his best victory to date beating Ian McGowan from 0-2 down.
End Oct before a 3 week break we played current champs Chesham 1A and an upset was on the cards as Mike and Jonny won (JM beating the improved Sam Pothecary in 5). However the 'senior' members of the team at 3,4,5 didn't cut the mustard, unfortunately all losing comfortably.
So bringing readers up to date, this week we played GX who have started poorly but 'strengthened' by bringing in SWright at 2 for his 1st match. At no1 Mike v Trev Loran was played early with the McCoy winning comfortably 3-1. At 2 Jonny tucked up S Wright in 20mins. Despite being tall he was so out of ranking order playing that high up he had vertigo. At 3 I had a thriller with Andy Peers. Never having beaten him before and off the back of an inter-county weekend I was feeling good and in a ding dong match of me hitting winning shots only to see his younger legs return them with interest we ended up at 2-2 with my hamstring on fire. Despite the pain I managed to dig in to win the 5th. Gazza at 4 had a tough ask v Hefferman and despite a good performance in 1st never got on top of Heffs deceptive forehand pushing him into back corners, going down in 3. At 5 Rhino was in a battle royale v the rejuvenated Mike Burnett who on form should be higher up order (a consistent GX theme!) having beaten CK 3-0 last week. After an hour+ they were 2-2. We all hoped after a long weekend away with Mrs G, that Chris had some lead left in his pencil to claim a famous win, however, despite long rallies the points went the other way.
So a good team win 3-2/15-9 putting us firmly mid-table with a record P6 W3 L3.
Its a shame the club management despite requests don't seem to be able to promote the forthcoming team matches as a few more faces on the balcony cheering the home teams on would be welcome.

Christmas Hat Club Special: Friday December 20th

Tickets are selling fast for our Christmas Hat Club.
We have but 40 left so, please, get your name down on the club clip board to be sure of a space for what is sure to be an evening of quality music with a seasonal twist. After two successful Hat Clubs we offer up a seasonal musical bird. And this bird ain't no turkey; she's the beautiful and very talented Lucinda Drayton.
Back in 1994 Lucinda wrote a number one hit single for Toni Di Bart, 'The Real Thing'. Luce is also well known for her work with the band 'Bliss', whose contemplative tones gathered many a fan of gentle, ambient fare. She has since gone on to pursue a successful solo career that integrates her spiritual life into her mellow, melodic muse.
Her music is now 'somewhere between Enya and Lorena Mckennit, with a bit of Joni Mitchell thrown in...". As Luce says, "for me this music is as honest as I can be about my journey and the experiences I have been lucky enough to have. Many of the lyrics feel like they are given to me rather than me writing them...often when I hear the songs being played while I am meditating I am also touched, as if I were listening to someone else... I could describe how our music has changed in terms of production and instrumentation but quite simply, it comes from a different place and has a different aim, it is made to open peoples' hearts and to bring beauty and peace and healing... I can't say more than this without becoming seriously cheesy... it speaks for itself."

Lucinda will be performing at The Hat Club with her partner Marcus Cliffe. 
Marcus has played with many fine folk, including Mark Knopfler, Sting and Rod Stewart. 
He also happens to be my musical partner too, we are the duo: Miracle Mile.

I'm posting a couple of tracks below; firstly Lucinda's evergreen 'A Hundred Thousand Angels' and then a performance by Marcus, Luce and band of 'Sit Right Here'.

Raging Bulls v Chesham Juniors

Kevin Mears writes:

Having been narrowly defeated by The Bears last week, The Bulls regrouped and were determined to return from their first visit to Chesham Bois with a handsome victory.

With Captain Pig having a business meeting (at the 02 arena watching tennis), the services of 1^st division undefeated Magic Johnson were called upon.  With Seb at two and Olly returning at 5, what could possibly go wrong against some fresh faced ‘juniors’ from Chesham Bois?

First up was Olly: Looking somewhat lacklustre in the first, Olly and Peter Stevenson traded games until the 5th, when Olly’s experience and flare brought him to a comfortable victory.
Welcome back Olly to your winning ways.
3/2

Jim played Simon Clark. While Jim beat Simon last season, Jim never got out of the starting blocks, whereas Simon was energetic, accurate and ultimately unstoppable.
0/3

Kev played Tom Ormiston. Rather similar to Jim’s match, Kev never got going and was extinguished by Tom’s unorthodox style.
0/3

All was not lost with victories needed from Seb and Toby, both more junior than the youngest junior from the Juniors.

Seb dropped the first two games against Andy Piper and after a pep talk from Jim, returned to win the 3rd. Alas, Andy’s form returned and his accuracy and reach was ultimately too much for Seb.
1/3

Finally an in-form Toby stepped up to provide the Bulls with an exhibition of first division squash. Toby’s fitness training, coaching and first division experience has resulted in him being undefeated this season. Surely returning to division 2 would be a breeze for our Magic. The first went according to plan 9/1. Peter East is however no push over and his mixture of fitness, accuracy and reach were more than Toby had bargained on. Trailing 1/2 Toby dug deep and won the 4th 9/0. Surely this would now be a victory for our Magic. Sadly, this was not the Bull’s night and having squandered a couple of match balls at 8/6, Peter never gave up and secured a solid victory over a startled Toby.
2/3

The top of division 1 table shows the Bulls 1st with 75 points, Bears 2nd with 75 points and Farnham Common 3rd with 73 points. This is however flattering, since all other teams in the division have played less matches.